Mother's Day

My what a differece a few years can make..................

Three years ago, on Mother's Day, I got my first positive pregnancy test. Our honeymoon baby, Erin. We were thrilled and shared the wonderful news with our families at lunch later that day. A few weeks later, the heartbeat we had previously seen beating was gone and I had a D&C. And then spiraled into the darkness and depression and despair that followed.

Two years ago, on Mother's Day, I was angry and bitter. Sad over what I should have had. Hurt because I didn't have it. Frustrated that in all of our trying, I still wasn't even pregnant again. Longing so desperately to have a child of my own.

One year ago, on Mother's Day, I was happy and pregnant. I had just entered the second trimester and the morning sickness was coming to an end. I was finally starting to relax about being pregnant and to believe I really might be a mommy after all was said and done. But still felt sadness at what I had lost, and knowing I had so many friends also feeling especially sad on that day.

This year, on Mother's Day, I sit and hold my beautiful little boy. 6 months old, yesterday. As a celebration of how our lives and my Mother's Days have come full circle, my little man was baptised this morning. I could think of no better day to celebrate all that he is and will hopefully one day become. No better day to say "I finally made it!" And no better way to turn what has been a sad, hurtful day, into one that will now be celebrated with beautiful memories.


Many of my IF blogging friends found mommyhood this past year. A glorious gift I know none of us would ever think of giving up... even through the sleepless nights and tantrums. Hug your little ones tightly and always remember what a special blessing they are.

But, I know just as many out there sit feeling hopeless and lost on this day. Sad to have had the possibility of a baby taken away from them with a miscarriage or stillbirth or child death. For some of you, the world may not know that you were ever a mommy, but remember that you are, and cherish the times you did have.

And, I know many are still trying. Hoping. Longing. Wanting. Day after day. Cycle after cycle. The want to have a child of your own runs deep. Each failed cycle brings with it the feeling of loss. The celebration of motherhood stings and brings sadness, wondering if your wish will ever be fulfilled. Hang onto that desire.

Mother's Day is many different things to many different people. It seems it all depends on your perspective on the day. And where you are in your journey. Each place along the infertility road finds a mother of one kind or another. A woman who is strong and loving and determined.

Whether you hold your child in your arms, in your heart, or in your dreams, may you find peace and love on this day. A day for Mommy's of all kinds.