One Year Ago

The E.T. picture was just too cute not to share. But... This is the post that should have gone up on Friday.

One Year Ago, I woke up to this:




Now, every morning, I wake up to this:


How is it possible that in a year's time I've gone from just learning I was pregnant to having a sweet, smiley, almost 4 month old? Somehow, in those first few minutes of seeing the positive test and realizing I was, indeed, pregnant, I knew this.... THIS... would be the pregnancy that made it. And that we would have a healthy baby boy at the end of it. From day one, I knew all would be well and baby would be a boy. I always referred to baby as "him".... never "her" or "it." Because, I knew. There were still moments of worry and concern, but also an overal sense of peace and calm that meant baby was okay and we would one day be holding him.

And here we are. Where I now spend most of my day holding him. And loving him. And still staring at him in awe and amazement that he is here. And he is ours. And he is perfect.

Being a mommy is nothing like I imagined. And so much more than I could ever have hoped or dreamed of. It is, by far, the hardest thing I have ever done. And, for as hard as it ever is, it is even more rewarding. Certainly, people told me of how hard it would be. How tired I would feel. How exhausted I would become. But I had no idea to what extent that would all be true. There have been days that I look back and wonder how I ever made it through. I'm still shocked that my body really can function on such little sleep. There have been times when I've sat, holding my crying little boy, wanting nothing more than to calm him and get him to sleep, and crying myself that I can't seem to accomplish either. It has been mentally and physically exhausting.... though those sleepless nights are, for the most part, now behind us.

But then there are the times when he is nursing and falls asleep at my breast. Laying there so sweet and innocent and angelic looking. Or when he hears my voice and sees my face, his lights up with the biggest, toothless grin. Or when he naps on my chest, all snuggled up and warm. Or when you talk to him and he coos and laughs right back. Or listening to him when he first wakes up in the morning.... talking and cooing and laughing at nothing..... just the thought that he is a baby and he is happy and he is loved.... that, in his little world, mommy and daddy are here and that makes his world perfect.

One year ago, I had no idea what we were soon to be facing. And now, I can't imagine ever going back. Pregnancy was rough. The first few weeks with a newborn were even rougher. But, through it all, I feel I am so incredibly lucky.... and so very, very blessed. I only have to look at his beautiful, little face to be reminded of that.... and then, even the roughest of times, feel like the miracle they are.