Shock

There's a crib in my house. A real, honest-to-goodness, baby crib. In MY house. Look. Here's a picture to prove it:


It arrived yesterday, so we picked it up after work and excitedly brought it home and assembled it.

Somehow, though... I didn't realize it would also come with a dose of reality. Seriously. We have a crib. All made up and ready to go. Sitting in what is now referred to as "his nursery." A room painted just for the baby. With a crib. And hundreds of other baby related items. All for a baby. OUR baby.

I'm due in less than 6 weeks. In a very short time... 2 1/2 years of miscarriage and surgery and drugs and struggles... will be ending in the birth of our child. For so long I've wanted to be at that point. To hold my baby in my arms.

And now that it is almost here... I'm on the verge of terrified. There's still a small, lingering, in-the-back-of-my-mind fear of something going wrong. And a much more in-the-front-of-my-mind fear/realization that after almost 9 months of growing and carrying this little being inside of me... he has to come out. One way or another. He will not be living in my body much longer.

Instead, he'll be this tiny, living, breathing little person that will rely on us for his every need. Wow. Of course I knew that's what I was getting into when we started this journey. I knew that was the ultimate goal. But. Wow. Now that's it is so very close... it is almost surreal. Is this REALLY happening to ME?

With so much in place.... and even as I feel him moving and kicking inside me while I type... it's only just becoming real to me that I AM going to have a BABY.

Forgive me if I take a short time to deal with the shock...

Dropped?

For those of you who have been down this road, I have a question. How do you know when baby has dropped???

I came home from work on Wednesday evening and the hubby made a comment about how it looked like I was carrying baby differently. His movements were in a different place. And instead of finding his heartbeat a few inches above my belly button, we found it just below it. All signs (I think) that he has at least flipped to head down... or so we're hoping.

Since then, I've noticed that when I have contractions, I feel a lot more pressure down low now... including in my cervix. I swear at one point last night, it felt like he was pushing against my ribs on one end and trying his hardest to push out my cervix at the other. OUCH! And several times a day I feel a slight "pinching" in my cervix. Kinda like when the doctor swabs it for your pap test. But it's coming completely from the inside... because there's certainly not a doctor walking around with a swab shoved up my woohoo. So... more hope it means baby has flipped.

Yesterday, I had my third (and final!) baby shower. 3 or 4 different people commented there that it looked like baby had dropped. Now... I'm certainly not a doctor... and there's always something to surprise me about pregnancy... but am I right in thinking he can't possibly have "dropped" without first having turned?? Dropping is when they start moving down more getting ready to make their grand entrance, correct? So the head has to be down for that to happen (at least in my theory)? So... really. How do you know???

Edited @ 7:37PM to add:
Since it's already been mentioned in the comments, as well as from people irl that I've talked to, so some others of you are likely wondering... no... I don't notice a difference in my breathing. But... I never had problems with it in the first place. A little short of breath on occassion, if I try to do too much, but breathing has not been a problem at any point in pregnancy... so I can't say if I'm breathing easier or not. Feels the same.

And should I mention that the slightest contraction sends me running to the bathroom because of the pressure on my bladder?

32 w 4 d

Remember this picture from my last post???



As it turns out, the doctor pretty much confirmed that's a head. Had an appointment today, and because I had been having several BH contrax all morning, she decided to do an internal check. And, a few hours later, at 32 weeks and 4 days, I had the FIRST spotting of this entire pregnancy. Initial reaction: Panic. But... it took about 10 seconds for me to then remember/remind myself that I had just had a pretty intense cervix check and was pretty sure that was the cause... though it is still an uneasy sight to see.

She finished checking me and said she was pretty certain she wasn't feeling a head. Poked around on my belly and confirmed he is head up... so breech. I guess that's fine for now... she isn't concerned about breech until around 36 weeks, so now we're just hoping he turns by then. With all the BH I've been having, she said him being breech right now is probably a good thing. Keeps his head from pushing on my cervix and making it dilate (still long and closed at this point). So... now we know the bulge in that picture is a head. After I posted it the other day, I was pretty sure it was anyways, based on where I was feeling him kick once he got going. Still, it's kinda neat to have it confirmed.

All else went well. Measuring right on track. Heartbeat sounds good. Weight gain is good. Blood pressure was a little high... but suspect that's because of all the contractions I'd been having. Not high enough for concern, at any rate. Was told to take it easy this weekend, drink lots of fluids and rest. Otherwise, I just have an "edgey" uterus... so unless the contrax get substantially worse, rest when I can and hang in there. Next appointment in 2 weeks.

8 More Weeks...

Hard to believe, but there are only 8 more weeks until Baby's due date! The time is certainly flying by. He's active. I'm always uncomfortable. Sleep is not so easy. And I'm loving it all.

I am working on a better post... but for tonight, this will have to do. Been having lots of Braxton-Hicks contractions today, so the dr. recommends I rest and take it easy tonight. Not really worried at this point, but certainly don't want them getting worse and becoming true labor contractions. 32 weeks is pretty good... but not far enough along for my peace of mind yet!

So... until I can get a little time to finish a real post, this will have to do. Here's a few updated belly shots:


This next one, the hubby took super up close... just because he was messing around. Have to admit, it was kinda freaky to look at and see my belly that up close. YIKES! But, upon closer look, I realized if you look closely at it... just a few inches above my belly button, there's a bulge that is actually Baby. Head or butt... that I'm not sure about. He wasn't kicking enough at the time for me to really tell what position he was in...... but... I thought the pic was kinda cool, so thought I'd share it, too:

Baby's Room

I'm just too excited about Baby's room to not share it with you all. We bought the bedding a couple of years ago, having fallen in love with it and (at the time) assuming we would soon be having a child. Granted, thanks to IF, that process took longer than expected, but we hung-on to the set. After getting pg, and especially after learning we're expecting a boy, we discussed some other options for the room... but just loved this one way to much to give it up. The quilt from the set is at the left.

And then I started talking about it at work. My co-teacher also happens to be an art education major. (Translation: REAL artistic talent!) Somehow, in some conversation that I don't even remember, it was agreed that she would come paint the animals from the bedding onto the wall. And... so she did.

After about 15 hours of work last weekend, the painting in Baby's nursery is complete. I had a couple of things to touch-up in there last night and this morning, which is now finished. The paint is all cleaned up. The drop cloths put away. And the room is INCREDIBLE. I can't wait to get furniture in there and get pictures of the final thing, which will be in the next few weeks. But... until then, I thought I'd share pictures of the beautiful painting job my friend did, and the awesome nursery we have for Baby. I have close-ups of the animals, and will share those soon... but these give you a better sense of the room, including the clouds on the ceiling. They're in order, starting if you walked in the door and turned to the right, then going around the room. (Door in the first picture is the doorway to the room, the door next to the window is the closet).

Sex

When dealing with infertility... sex can often times seem like a "chore." For the most part, I'd say I have a pretty healthy sex drive... made easier because I love my hubby so damn much. But, admittedly, there were many times when it was pretty hard to muster up the mood to do anything. When your sex life is based on the days of your cycle and/or some doctor saying "give yourself the shot and on this day, this day and this day, be sure to have sex".... it somehow loses something. Very early in the cycle, or very late in the cycle... it was a different story. THEN sex was fun and exciting and just for the hell of it... which I am still convinced is the best way to have it.

Who knew that pregnancy sex would be much like infertility sex?!? In my mind I would like to enjoy being with my hubby. But, the physical aspect of it has been hard for me to overcome. How do you be in the mood when your back and legs ache, your breasts are sore, your "girl parts" are so tender you can hardly walk, your belly is so big you feel you can hardly move and the perpetual heartburn has you nauseous and wondering if/when the vomiting of the first trimester is going to return?????

Somehow, despite all that, I woke up "in the mood" this morning... much to my hubby's delight. After weeks of nothing, he didn't seem to mind me waking him from his sleep. So, there we are... I've just awakened so nothing really hurts yet, I'm mentally and emotionally there and enjoying the thought of being with the hubby. We're lying in bed kissing, and I'll. Be. Damned. if baby doesn't start kicking the crap out of me. There's something about getting kicked in the ribs while making out with your mate that tends to kill-off any mood that was there. Suddenly... it is taking everything I have to focus on being with the hubby, while trying to ignore the baby. I managed, but I couldn't help but think how sex wasn't supposed to be so hard once the baby thing worked.

Sex is no longer about making a baby for us... we finally managed to do that. There's no pressure. No "have to." No schedule. Now... it is about it being fun and exciting and just for the hell of it. But... in a strange twist of irony... there still seems to be a baby in the way.**


**Believe me though... I am more than thrilled to have this "problem" and will take it over the infertility crap any day. any time. This little guy is worth giving up the sex life for. At least for a while... ;-)