Our Son

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The four white dots next to "Hi Daddy!" are his fingertips. The white dot just below them is his thumb:



Boy Parts:



Tiny feet and toes:

It's A...

Baby!

Things went great at today's appointment. My cervix is actually closed up tighter than they expect it to be at this point. YAY! The doctor believes that all will be good and we won't have any problems with it. Chances are, there would be some early signs at this point if it were going to give out on me. As a precaution, I'll still be having the bi-weekly ultrasounds, but doc said looks good and I can relax a bit.

At 16 weeks, 4 days, I have gained 0 pounds. Yep. Nothing. The half-pound I had lost at the last appointment has been gained back... which puts me back at my pre-pregnancy weight. Surprisingly, the doctor didn't say anything about it... so I guess it's okay for now. Either that, or they figure since they'll be seeing me every two weeks anyways, they can keep a close eye on things.

The ultrasound tech was FABULOUS. I do so love everyone at my doctor's office. Since this u/s was just for a cervix check, I wasn't expecting more than a quick peek at the baby. But... they had accidentally scheduled me for a big block of time instead of the short one... so the tech figured she could spend a little extra time with me. She said after looking over my history, there was no way she would have let me out of there without having a good look at the little bugger.

Baby was quite the little wiggle worm. Not shy about showing us anything we wanted to look at. But wouldn't sit still for any length of time to get more than a quick look. Though, I already knew that after our daily games of hide and seek. The tech started checking the baby out, then says "wait a minute" and gets up. She pulls a blank videotape out of the cabinet and puts in the VCR to record everything, saying I needed to have one so the hubby could see it since he was unable to attend today. How sweet and thoughtful! I hadn't thought to bring mine, not expecting much of a scan today.

She took lots of pictures to send me home with, too. She pointed out hands and fingers. And feet and toes. Arms. Legs. Spine. Ribs. Looked at the beating little heart and pointed out where all four chambers are present. And took an extra-good, thorough look to be sure what she was seeing was correct when she pointed out the BOY PARTS!!! Yes. It's a BOY!

Hubby and I are thrilled. Both at it being a boy, and simply at the thought that he is healthy and doing well. Hubby was annoyed though, that I wouldn't tell him when I talked to him on the phone after the appointment... but I wanted to do it in person.

So... when he got home, he received a pink bag stuffed with pink tissue paper, and immediately asked if it was a girl. However, he opened it to find a blue bib with an airplane on it that says "I Love My Daddy," and one that says "Thank Heaven For Little Boys." It's a Boy!! he says, with a very large grin on his face. Well worth waiting the few extra hours so I could see his reaction.

I was going to post some of the pictures... but the scanner still isn't hooked up to the new computer. And it's already after 10 and I'm exhausted. We leave in the morning for Michigan. The nephew turned ONE today, so we're going up there for his party. Will work on the scanner and getting the pictures up when we return home in a few days.

Have a great and safe holiday weekend. I'm off to listen to my son's heartbeat and go to sleep.

Hide and Seek

Yesterday, both of our moms stopped by at different times, and they were so excited to get to hear Butterball's heartbeat, too. It really has made for a fun weekend.

Our weekend mornings now start with a round of "Hide and Seek" with the baby. Such an active little thing! We chase him/her around my uterus and out from behind the placenta while searching for the heartbeat. One second it's in one spot... and then moves to another. So much fun!

And... thanks to the doppler... I've learned baby is much higher up than I realized. Sitting as high as my belly button now. Which means, some of what I've been feeling going on in there actually HAS been baby movement and I just didn't know it. The movements are still small... I generally don't notice them unless I'm focusing on paying attention to them... but when I do, the flutters are there and just make my day. And occassionally, I can even push on my tummy and get a little nudge back. It's just all so exciting!

Now I'm just anxiously awaiting finding out if Butterball is a boy or a girl. Have an ultrasound on Friday. It's supposed to be a cervix check, but I can't imagine the tech at my doctor's office doing an ultrasound and not letting me see the baby. Hoping she'll be willing to take a look and see if we can see boy or girl parts. Cross your fingers that baby doesn't cross its legs.


PS-- For those wondering, Pepper is doing much better. The medicine is working and she's back to her normal, happy, playful, bark-at-anything-that-moves-in-her-yard self.

My Day

What a crappy day!! Pepper has a bladder infection. She whined all yesterday morning before we left for work. When I got home and took her out, she peed a gazillion times and after each was walking like she was in intense pain. Poor thing. We called our vet who gave us the number of the animal hospital in case we felt she couldn't wait until morning. When the hubby took her out a little later, he noticed blood in her urine, so off we went. They checked her out, gave her some medicines and we were out of there in about an hour. She slept well last night, I'm sure because of the pain killer... but I was glad we took her in since it meant I got to sleep well, too.

We crate her during the day while we're at work. Always have. She has a bit of separation anxiety and gets destructive if we don't. For her own safety and my sanity, the crate is the best thing. But, I always feel bad about having to leave her for the day. I know... lots of people go off to work and leave their dogs at home while they do... but I still feel guilty about it. Today, it was even worse. With a bladder infection, I just couldn't stand the thought of her being unable to go potty all day long, so I came home on my lunch break and took her out.

Unfotunately, when I got home, she had thrown up in her kennel a couple of times, and peed in there as well. UGH! She has a kennel pad, so it was easy to just pull it out and throw in a blanket real quick before I had to run back off to work... but just the site of the puke made me gag quite a bit. And she refused to get back in there on her own, so I had to push and shove and lift her in. And then I cried most of the way back to work. I felt sooo horrible for leaving her like that.

Got home and she had thrown up again. We're not sure if it's from the medication or from being in so much pain from trying to be a "good dog" and not potty in her crate. Hubby took her outside and I started laundry. And took the kennel tray outside to hose off. And then moved the kennel and vacuumed around it and Febreezed the area. The smell was making me sick. Though the hubby says it's my pg nose because he hardly noticed it at all.

On top of the kennel laundry, there's been spot-cleaning the carpet a few times where she wasn't able to wait to go out and pee... and taking all the bedding off our bed to wash because she had an accident up there, too. None of it is her fault. We know it's because she's sick and can't control it. So we clean it up and continue on. But, MAN! I hope she's over this soon.

The bright spot in my day was getting home and seeing the doppler I ordered on Wednesday had arrived! After we got stuff cleaned up from the dog, we tried it out. Didn't take hardly any time at all to find that wonderful heartbeat. What a relief! And what an active baby!!! At the doctor's office three weeks ago, we listened for at least a full minute with the doctor not moving the probe at all. Not today!!! The kid wouldn't still still more than 10 or 15 seconds and then the sound would be gone and we had to hunt for it again. Like an early game of hide and seek. I really could sit and listen to it all night long. Though, they don't recommend more than 10 minutes at a time so I'm being very good and controlling myself. But what a reassurance to hear the heartbeat again and know that everything is fine with the Butterball. With that... the day really doesn't seem so bad after all.

Two Things

I feel reasonably certain that I felt the little Butterball move the other day. Of course, I have absolutely nothing to compare it to. But, from what I've read and heard others describe, I'm pretty sure that was it.

And then... there's been nothing since then. Granted, it's still early, so feeling any movement at this point, is rare. But naturally, it means I've been starting to worry more and more. Normal worries, I'm sure... but too much for me. I've been on the bad side of pregnancy luck... so I tend to worry even more and have fears that run even deeper. So... after waking up at 4AM and then tossing and turning until the alarm went off at 6:15, I've decided two things:

1. 4 weeks is FAR too long for me to go between doctor appointments and keep any sort of sanity.
It's been 2 1/2 weeks since my last appt. and I'm going nuts. Until this stretch, thanks to the peri visit, I've gotten to see or hear the baby every 2 weeks or so. Thank goodness I'll be going every 2 weeks starting with the next visit. Otherwise, I think I'd lose it.
2. I can not continue to lose sleep over worry.
So... this evening I ordered a fetal doppler so I can listen to Baby's heartbeat at home when the panic is just too much for me. I've been asking the hubby for weeks now to let me order one, and after last night, he no longer had a choice. I think he fears the pregnancy hormones so agreed quite easily to hand over the credit card this evening. Besides, it's only on rent for a couple months. By then I should be feeling the kid regularly and won't get worried so easily. Well worth it, in my book, if it means less stress and more rest for this mommy.

Mother's Day

As joyous as it is to be experiencing this day pregnant and happy... I can not forget.

I can not forget that 2 years ago on this day, we learned I was expecting and shared the news with our families as a Mother's Day gift for our moms.

I can not forget that baby... Erin. Lost a few short weeks later.

I can not forget the pain and the heartache and the depression that came with losing a child... even though we never met her.

I can not forget the many ups and downs as we tried and tried and tried again to conceive a baby.

I can not forget the long, treacherous road of infertility... procedures, surgery, drugs, shots.

I can not forget the many wonderful people who supported me along the way.

And I can not forget the terrific women I've met in blog land. Many of whom are still in the depths of infertility and on their journey to having a child. I can not forget how hard it is to be in those shoes on this trying and difficult day.

On a day that celebrates what you so long to be, for the infertile it is hard... nearly impossible to face. The anger, longing, suffering and loneliness only seem stronger and more real. No. I can not forget any of that. At every mention today of remembering the mothers who have lost a child... be it something I read in the paper, or in the prayer at church... I cried. I cried for my loss. I cried for my friends' losses. I cried for those who have never experienced the actual loss of a child... just the loss of the thought of a child with each failed cycle of trying.

I'm afraid the pain of infertility and loss never leaves you. Yes, I am carrying a child on Mother's Day this year. Yes, I am happier about that than even I imagined I could be. But, Mother's Day, to me, even in the joy, is still a sad reminder of where I've been.

As promised...

It's been a month since the last pics. Here's what the belly is looking like:

All About Nothing

I've been feeling the need to blog.... but there just isn't a topic coming to mind. I feel I have nothing to say... other than a report of how things are going. Which is what this post will be... though I promise I'll work on coming up with something more exciting for in the near future.

I get home in the evening and I'm just too tired to think. Work has been very busy... which just wears me out. My energy level is definitely coming back this trimester... I just think I use it all up during the day, so by evening there's not much left.

Thankfully, I have the world's greatest husband. A few nights a week I cook dinner. But he cooks for me just as often. Then I rest. And somehow, the dishes miraculously get done. And the load of laundry I started amazingly is dried and folded when I wake from napping. And even though it can be dangerous for the hubby, given the hormonal state of things, he gives me the gentle reminders I need about taking my vitamins (especially that B6!) and watching what I eat. And a day doesn't go by that he doesn't rub my belly and tell the baby he loves it... usually right after telling me he loves me. Honestly, I really am convinced he is the best and that I am the luckiest woman on earth. I could go on and on... But I won't at the moment.

The belly is growing. Yesterday I told hubby it would probably be only a week or two and then I'll "lose my feet." If I stand centered now, I can just see the tips of my toes. Though... that has brought a comment (more than once) about how small my feet are to begin with and could I even see them before I was pregnant. Yes. Small feet. I shop in the children's section and most of my shoes are a 2 1/2 to 3. I wear the same size shoe as your average 8 year old. Sucks for finding heels... but is a damn good excuse for not wearing the stupid things. Never have liked them.

But anyways... I was talking about the growing belly. Finally got some maternity pants. Is very nice to have pants that actually fit again. It has been a few weeks. I think I'm finally starting to look pregnant to people... not just that I'm getting fat. Will take a belly shot this weekend and post for you all to see.

No puking episodes since that face exploding one of last week. Seeing that though, has me very nervous about actually pushing this baby out in a few months. Am convinced that force and strain might actually cause my face to really explode...... if it does all that just from the force of puking. Scary.

So all is good. Nothing terribly exciting happening in my little corner of the world. Just doing what it takes to grow a baby.

Lessons Learned

Ever since I got pregnant, I've had a problem with tiny capillaries on my face breaking whenever I throw up. It took us some time to determine the cause of the break-outs.

The first time I noticed it, I had taken a nap in one of the empty classrooms at work, just before noticing them in the mirror when I went to the bathroom. The carpets had just been cleaned a day or two prior, so I assumed it was a reaction to the chemicals used for that. So, I avoided the carpet and in a few days, the spots had cleared.

But then they came back. And I hadn't been on the carpet. And hadn't, to my knowledge, exposed myself to anything new. And just like before, the tiny spots were confined just to my face... primarily along my jawline.

So I called my doctor's office and spoke with the nurse. She said she had never heard of anything like it, but as long as it didn't itch or bother me in any way, she didn't see why it would be a problem of any kind. My bloodwork had just come back fine... otherwise she might have worried about anemia, or a clotting issue. And again, in a couple days, every thing cleared up and my skin returned to normal.

And then it came back. And left. And then returned. And then somewhere in there, the hubby and I made the connection that it always appeared after I had been puking. We confirmed the theory after having no spots for a few days, and then noticing them immediately the next morning after a particularly bad round of puking the night before. Finally. We learned that puking causes lots of broken capillaries on my face. We knew the cause.

And in the last few weeks, with the puking at a very diminished state, the spots had disappeared without a trace. Thank goodness. My face once again looked healthy. Quite honestly, my skin has never been so good as it has since I've been pregnant. Until last night....

Yesterday we a pretty nauseous day. I woke up early feeling very crampy and yucky. The cramps went away within a few hours, but the nausea lingered on. Got worse after lunch. By dinner time, I was feeling so bad, just the thought of food made it worse. But, I also have learned that eating generally helps the nausea, so I forced down some food.

Felt a little better, so we ran a couple errands, came home, and I stretched out on the bed and watched some TV. A little before bedtime, I was feeling hungry and a bit nauseous, so munched on some dry cereal. And then it hit. The absolute worst bout of puking I have had in weeks. I had forgotten to take my B6 after dinner. And learned never, ever to forget it again.

For with the puking, came the immediate return of the broken capillaries. And this time, they are not confined to my jaw line. This time they are on my forehead, and nose, and under my eyes, and on my cheeks, and on my neck............ Never forget the B6 when dealing with morning/all day sickness.

Here's what it looks like... though it looks even worse in person:

Pregnancy, Part 2

We did it! We have "officially" made it to the second trimester. Just saying it puts a smile on my face. And, oddly enough, brings a small sense of relaxation. Believe me, I know there is a long way to go and anything could still happen. But reaching this milestone is a big deal.

Odds of something going wrong at this point are dramatically lower. And I'm confident in not only this pregnancy, but also the additional monitoring I'll be getting over the next several months. I'll never completely relax about everything... at least I doubt I will. However, reaching this point, after seeing the baby twice and hearing its heartbeat, has me breathing a big sigh of relief. For the first time, it actually feels like my body is doing what it is supposed to... for a change. A welcomed change, that's for sure!

And it seems the pregnancy books aren't lying when they say you start feeling better around this time. I certainly do. It's been almost two weeks since my last bout of pregnancy puking. And the nausea gets better every day. I'm also not passed out by 9PM anymore, either. Although, that could be, in part, because of the new schedule I have at work. Though I do feel I'm not as tired during the day, either. I'm really starting to look pregnant, too. At least once a day, the hubby comments about my "pregnant belly." May not be totally obvious to those who don't know what's going on... but to those who do, it's becoming more and more clear. Pregnancy is starting to become... dare I say... enjoyable.

93 days down. Only 187 to go!