My computer died. May be a while before i can post again. Trust all is well and i'll be back asap.

Hats Off

I'm wondering.... when did it become acceptable for a man to wear a hat at the table??? In my family (with 2 brothers), we were raised that a man didn't wear a hat indoors. And certainly wouldn't DREAM of leaving it on when he sat down for a meal. When did this change? I'm only 33. Not what I would call "old-fashioned."

Yesterday, hubby and I went to lunch to celebrate a good ultrasound and healthy baby. We went to Ginza, which is a favorite of mine. It's a Japanese steakhouse... much like a Beni Hana (since more can probably relate to that.) You know... where they put 8 people at a table with a big grill in the middle and prepare your food right there in front of you. Love the food, love the atmosphere, and the big "chains" (Beni hana, Sapporo, etc.) just don't compare.

In the course of our meal, there were 5 tables of people. And at each and every table, at least one guy was wearing a hat. Baseball caps mostly. When did that become okay? Yes, for the lunch crowd at Ginza, jeans and a t-shirt are perfectly acceptable attire (though I would never go in jeans in the evening). But we're not talking McDonald's here. It's a sit-down, enjoy a multi-course meal restaurant. Hats? At the table? Am I really getting that old???

Today's appointment went beautifully. Other than them running about 30 minutes behind. Well worth the wait, though.

Did the ultrasound first. Right off the bat, the tech pointed out the baby and its heartbeat, so we wouldn't be concerned. Then said she was going to do the rest of her technical stuff and would come back to that. All the measuring lining and ovaries, etc. etc. etc. Came back to the baby and there it was with its little heart beating away.

Baby measured 7w5d... so technically a day ahead of where I am. Heartrate was a nice, strong 165 bpm. Everything looked perfect. And I am breathing a whole lot easier tonight.

After the ultrasound, we went back to the waiting room until the nurse was ready to see us. I think the best moment of the day was here. The hubby went on out to wait while I got dressed. When I walked out, he was sitting there, staring at the pics of our baby, with tears in his eyes. What an incredibly sweet moment. For then, I realized just how hard this journey has been on him, too... even though he's always my rock and rarely lets it show. Melted my heart, I tell ya!

(Although.... him taking to referring to baby as "The Blob" now, thanks to the pic, does have me a little concerned. LOL! I refuse to use "Peanut" or "Bean" since everyone uses those, and wanted to come up with something different. I just don't think "Blob" was what I had in mind.)

The rest of the appointment was the typical health history stuff and a blood draw. We did discuss the possibility of a cerclage, given my history of cervical abuse. The nurse was going to discuss it with the doctor and call me on Monday with her thoughts on it. Nothing we have to decide today. For tonight, I'm celebrating a baby that is thriving and a pregnancy that has every indication of making it to term with us bringing our child home from the hospital.

What things are looking like on the inside:
BABY'S FIRST PHOTO



And, just for the heck of it, what things are looking like on the outside:

100 Things

I started working on this a while back, and thought I'd save it for a "rainy day." Well... it's not rainy today... actually very snowy (happy spring!)... but thought we'd take a break from all the pg talk. Especially since there's nothing new to report there.


In my blog-hopping, I've noticed a number of posts of people's 100 Things List. Some even put it in their profile, so it's always easily accessible. After much time, I finally got around to creating my own in hopes of telling you all a little more about me. In no particular order, here they are:

1. I am 33. Will be 34 in August.
2. I have no children.
3. But am FINALLY expecting on 11/07/06.
4. I have hazel-green eyes.
5. I am named after a great-grandmother on each side. (Dad's and Mom's)
6. For that reason, I took my husband's last name when I got married, but dropped my last name.
7. I had to keep my middle name since it is the tie to my mother's side which was very important to me. First name kept the tie to dad's side.
8. Our children will have two middle names. It is tradition in my husband's family.
9. I am the oldest child and oldest grandchild.
10. My first-born will not be the first grandchild.
11. I was born in central Illinois.
12. When I was 10, we moved to Indiana.
13. I don't plan on ever leaving the state.
14. Well, except for vacations, of course!
15. My husband and I met online.
16. We were making wedding plans less than three months after meeting.
17. We've been married almost two years.
18. And we've never had a fight.
19. I used to have a fear of needles.
20. Then I had allergy testing.
21. Then I had fertility testing.
22. Then clomid with trigger shots.
23. Now I can stick myself and not think twice about it.
24. When I was a child, I wanted to be an astronomer.
25. Then I discovered music.
26. I majored in music education in college.
27. However, I never finished my degree or got my teaching license.
28. But, I do still play the oboe.
29. And ring handbells at church.
30. And teach anyways.
31. Only, instead of music, I am an infant teacher in childcare.
32. It is, without doubt, the hardest but most rewarding job I have ever had.
33. Because of my job, I am convinced that jar baby food with broccoli in it is the WORST smell anywhere.
34. I can't stand it. It makes me gag.
35. So much, I would rather change a poopy diaper. YUCK!
36. I am always cold-- but the hubby is always warm.
37. I carry a jacket in August, because the air conditioning in most places is too cold for me.
38. The hubby thinks I'm crazy for that.
39. Even with the cold thing, I still sleep naked.
40. I sleep best that way.
41. Even in January.
42. But not when we're camping.
43. As it turns out, camping is my ideal vacation.
44. But I'm not really an "outdoorsy" type.
45. I do find camping to be extremely relaxing, which is why I enjoy it.
46. My hubby has been camping since he was 2.
47. I first went camping when I was 31.
48. I always look forward to our annual trip.
49. Our reservation for this year's trip has already been made.
50. Our trip isn't for 6 more months.
51. I would really like to be pregnant when we go. (So far, so good!)
52. I am not an avid reader.
53. I think it's because I don't have the patience for it.
54. I'd rather be on the internet.
55. But I love the Harry Potter books.
56. I've read all of them at least twice.
57. Goblet of Fire (Book 4) is my favorite.
58. The movie for it was not.
59. I thought the third movie was better.
60. Sometimes I wish I lived in the Wizard's World.
61. Sometimes I wish I could be a stay-at-home wife. And someday mom.
62. I do love my job.
63. But I wish I didn't HAVE to work.
64. I'm not much for being told I HAVE to do anything.
65. I'm rather stubborn like that.
66. The one thing I am most "anal" about is my bed covers.
67. I can't STAND it if they are messed up.
68. I have to make sure they are perfectly neat before getting into bed.
69. And I will straighten them again if I get up in the middle of the night for any reason.
70. I'm pretty certain it drives my hubby crazy.
71. Generally, he just laughs at me about it though.
72. I don't have very many close friends.
73. The ones I do have, have been in my life for years.
74. We have a dog, a fish and a snake as pets.
75. You've met Pepper, our baby.
76. And Donny, our fish.
77. The snake would never have been my choice. Hubby had him before we met.
78. His name is Ralph.
79. And as much as it creeps me out to have him in the house, I am strangely fascinated with watching him eat.
80. He eats live baby mice.
81. No, that isn't cruel. It is nature.
82. Besides, the mice are bred for that sole purpose and would be killed if not purchased for feed.
83. It really is wild to watch in person. Like the Discovery Channel in your own home.
84. My favorite movie is "When Harry Met Sally," closely followed by "You've Got Mail."
85. But I would not call myself a Meg Ryan fan.
86. My favorite food would depend on my mood.
87. My food favorites tend to run in phases.
88. Currently, it is Tostitos with Salsa con Queso.
89. But I am always up for a bowl of cereal-- hot or cold.
90. I can't stand peas or peaches.
91. My favorite color is purple.
92. My favorite drink is milk.
93. My favorite alcoholic beverage is Killian's Irish Red.
94. Though we have recently discovered a White Merlot wine and I'm quickly learning to enjoy it.
95. I was never much of a wine drinker before that.
96. I'm still not much of a drinker, period.
97. Most weeks I have nothing.
98. A "bad" week, I'll have two or three.
99. Those weeks are few. And before I was pg.
100. These 100 weren't too hard to come up with. Maybe I'll do 100 more sometime.

Another Pepper Story

Not to be a total bore, but I had to share this story. Or at least make note of it for my own future reference.

Pepper has been quite attached to me since I got pg. She's always been a "daddy's girl" and could be found very near the hubby all evening long. Now though, she's by my side. If I'm not in the same room as he is, she is either next to me, or sitting in the hallway where she can see the both of us. She only goes to see him when she wants to go outside or when she thinks he should be back paying more attention to me.

So this evening, I'm in the bathroom puking again. And in between bouts yelling at the hubby to call the dog, who is outside the bathroom door whining like crazy and hitting the door with her paws trying to open it and check on me. Such a sweet thing to be worried about her mommy like that. But really, how distracting when you're trying to heave.

So much for my "nausea but no puking" streak. Officially over and morning... or in this case, evening, sickness has arrived.

Update

YAY! Looks like the blog is working again. I know some of you have had problems getting to it. I have, too! Or, I could get to the blog but not actually post. Seems they have the problem resolved, whatever it was.

Long week. Stuff going on every night, so by the time I'd get home I went straight to bed. The hubby was even complaining he never sees me anymore as all I do is work and sleep. What can I say? Seems growing a baby is quite hard work. I did try to spend some time with him Thursday evening, as it was our freest night... but I fell asleep on the couch by 8:30. This morning we ran errands and came home and had lunch together. And then I took a 3 hour nap. Somehow, I suspect even if the blog had been working properly, you wouldn't have heard much from me. I still haven't learned how to type in my sleep.

The nausea is better. Still just enough there to remind me I'm pregnant and keep me from having Freak-Out days. It seems the Mucinex I was taking for my cough was the culprit in the really bad nausea. As soon as I stopped taking it, I started feeling better. Not great, but no longer feeling like death, either.

And while grocery shopping today, I discovered crackers I can actually eat! YAY! I am NOT a fan of saltines. Never have been. Only thing I eat them in is chicken noodle soup. But, to eat them plain is just yucky. So I searched the cracker aisle today for something that sounded tolerable. I know... something whole wheat would be a good choice. But again... yuck! So I got a box of the Townhouse Bistro crackers. Cornbread. Very, very yummy. And certainly healthier than the Teddy Grahams I had been living on. Will keep stock in these... for now. Who knew crackers could be so exciting?

Really... just not much new to report. Nothing exciting happening here. Hard for much to happen when you sleep so much. Ultrasound on Friday. Getting very excited to see the little thing.

Breathing Easier

I did end up calling the doctor today. But not because I was feeling anxious. Baby made sure all anxiety was thrown out the window this weekend. As we crossed that "6 weeks" mark, the nausea moved to a whole new level. I honestly don't think I'll be able to go back to my Target store for the rest of the trimester. The smell of popcorn in their snack area is a bad, bad thing. LOL! But, clearly baby is doing well and hormones are high since all I feel like doing is either sleeping or puking.

However, on top of the general yuckiness of morning sickness, it turns out what I thought on Friday was just pg congestion was actually the beginnings of a cold. Got worse on Saturday. Off and on congestion and a pretty wicked sounding cough. Called the doctor today to make sure the Mucinex I took a dose of was as okay as I thought it would be. Robitussin is on my dr's approved medications list, and they contain the same ingredients, so I figured it was. And I was right. Nurse said it's fine to take and I can continue as needed. If not better in a week or so though, I should call to make sure it's nothing more serious.

Also thought I should check on my allergy meds. Not that anyone really wants to take a bunch of medications while pregnant, but unfortunately, I don't have much choice. If I don't keep my allergies in line, my asthma flares up. And the dr's office agreed that breathing problems and a lack of oxygen to the baby would be much riskier than the minimal risk taking my meds would. Since spring is fast approaching with all its pollens and triggers, I figured I better make sure we're ready for it.

I think I'm finally believing I am pregnant and feeling more confident in the way things are going. And as miserable as the m/s may be making me, at least now I know I'll be able to breathe through it all... which is a good thing.

Hooray for Nausea!

First, I have to point out the new ticker in my blog heading. Isn't it the coolest?

Been up and down today, but am more relaxed. I talked with a coworker who had a baby a year ago. She assured me her symptoms came and went and that I am fine. Even said her boobs hurt her for the first week or so after she found out she was pg and then not again until into her third tri. I know you all have been telling me that, but it helped to actually hear it. I did try calling my doctor's office today, hoping for some reassurance from the nurse, but they were closed today for their move to bigger facilities. Wasn't anything urgent, so didn't have the doctor paged. But not ruling out calling them on Monday if I'm still feeling anxious.

So for now, I'm living with boobs that may or may not be sore. And this evening I am incredibly nauseous. The hubby is cooking dinner... and I really hope I'm able to eat some of it. I had a mild headache earlier, but it seems to be going away since I've been home and been able to relax. And the pg congestion I keep hearing about seems to be kicking in. My nose has been running like crazy. And draining. Which makes me start coughing. Which triggers my gag reflex and then the extra saliva. Which makes me feel even more nauseous. 'Tis a vicious cycle... but strangely enough, it makes me feel more at ease.

A Different 2 Week Wait

Today was another of those freak-out days. Thankfully, in large part to all of your comments previously, it was a subdued and rather calm freak-out. Boobs haven't been too sore. Not much nausea. The usual mild and occassional cramping. Enough little things that thoughts of miscarriage would creep into my head.

I'm guessing that's in part due to the fact that it was about this time with Erin that I started having problems. The first of many. And the first of three (or was it 4?) ultrasounds in a pregnancy that only lasted 8 weeks. Those thoughts would come in and after a moment of initial fear, I would remind myself that this time is different. Symptoms come and go. You all told me that, right?!! I've had not one drop of spotting and my numbers are great. This baby isn't going anywhere. (can you tell I'm reminding myself again?) But this whole pg after a loss thing is a lot harder than one might think!

I'm really hoping that I can relax a bit more after my ultrasound in two weeks. And really wishing I could have one sooner so I could relax sooner. I don't know though. Do you ever really relax in this state? Is it possible? We saw a heartbeat with Erin... twice... so I worry that even seeing the heartbeat won't totally calm me. Though it'll do lots for my nerves if it is nice and strong. Hers was always low. (which was another reason I knew she wouldn't make it) Two more weeks and then we'll know so much more. And I thought the 2ww when ttc sucked!


On a much happier note. Here are pictures of the frames we did for our moms... with some editing so our last name isn't visible so I don't have to worry about some wierdo finding us. Please don't think your eyes are bad... they are slightly fuzzy. I STILL can't figure out how to not have blurry photos with our digital camera.

Together:


The one for my mom:


And, the one for mil:

To...

... My Fellow Infertiles: Believe me when I say I understand how hard it must be to come to my blog and suddenly find pg announcements and stories. Been there. Done that. And please know that there was never, ever any intention of causing any of you upset or pain. It has always been my intention for this blog for it to change and grow as my life evolves, so naturally the pg stuff becomes a part of it. I certainly understand if reading has become too hard for you. And would never expect you to stick around and cause yourself any undue pain. I do, however, hope you'll at least check in once in a while. I will certainly be checking in on you all and praying you all get the blessings you so deeply desire and deserve.

... My Internet Buddies (TFBOJ/June/Blogland): Thanks for sticking with me. I have a sneaky suspicion that I'll be turning to you all for much advice and support over the next many months, and I'm glad to know you'll all be there. You've been there from the beginning... why should the fun stop now?!? Oh. And if you managed a congratulatory post on the boards, but not over here, would you mind going over to my announcement post and leaving one real quick? I plan to print them all out for baby's scrapbook so he/she can see just how many people were praying for him/her to join us. THANKS!

... My Hubby: Can I just get in one blanket apology for all the mood swings and snide remarks that are sure to come as the pregnancy hormones rise and fall? And maybe one for insisting you go to the store for some crazy item at some hideous hour? Just remember in all of this, I love you more than anything and am excited beyond words to be embarking on this journey with you.

... All of You: Today was another day of feeling yucky and being thankful for it. Got off work early which means I now have time for a nap before I have to go to bell rehearsal. YIPEE! And I got a suggestion to blur out the names on the frames so I can still post the pictures of them for you all to see. Will do that ASAP. Just not now. It's naptime. Many thanks and much love!

Good Things

Good Thing #1: Well... baby wanted to make sure I didn't worry too much. After my freak-out yesterday and not feeling real pg, I woke up this morning feeling like crap. And pretty much have felt that way all day. And been very glad about it.

Good Thing#2: Had repeat HCG done yesterday. Dr's office called this morning with the results. 8,645!!!! That's a doubling rate of about 36 hours! WOOHOO!!! I had already told myself I'd be happy with close to 6000, since I'd read the doubling rate can be even longer than 48 hours once the numbers start getting as high as my first check was. (1571) Needless to say, I was quite happy with today's news.

Good Thing #3: We told our parents on Sunday at church. We went to Babies R Us on Saturday, just to have a look, and while there found frames that say "I Love My Grandma" on them. So, we bought two. Came home and I made an insert for each that included the baby's edd and some baby-related sayings, stickers, etc. (I took pictures to put on here, but started rethinking that when I realized our last name is on them and this is a public blog)

Our parents are in choir together, so we thought we'd wait in the choir room before their rehearsal started and give the frames to our moms then. We waited. And waited. And waited for our moms to show up. Finally, we asked fil what time rehearsal started and it wasn't for almost another half-hour. So, the hubby came up with the idea to put the frames in their music slots for them to find when they went to get their folders. Sounded good to me, but before we put them in there, we showed fil so he knew what was up and was in on the secret.

My mom came down first. We ran into her in the hallway and chatted for a few, then she went on in to get ready for rehearsal. We stood in the hall, and a few minutes later heard her scream and a few of the choir members who were in there cheered. I wish I could have seen her face. FIL said it was priceless (and wiped a few tears from his eyes). Then I heard her say "How could she do this to me like this?" (meaning right before she was supposed to sing) so I went in and gave her a big hug. And told her she had to calm down because there was another frame in mil's slot and she wasn't down there yet to know.

Mom excused herself to the restroom to "compose herself" after crying so hard. She went one way, and two minutes later, mil came down the opposite stairs. (A good thing since it meant they didn't run into each other in the hall) She didn't see us where we were standing, so after she went into the room, we went over and peeked in the window of the door to see her reaction. Most everyone in the room knew what was going on, since they had seen it with my mom, so many eyes were on mil when she pulled the frame out. She read it, took a second for it to register, then threw both arms up in the air and shouted. And everyone clapped. And then we went in for more hugging and excitement before we had to head out so rehearsal could start.

After church, I think mil showed everyone she ran into. She might as well have tied the thing around her neck. LOL! My mom was a little more hesitant, since we didn't allow them to tell anyone last time, but as soon as I told her it was fine to share the news, I think it was a race between her and mil to see who could get to people first and tell them. Quite funny to see. And very thrilling to know they are so very happy for us and excited with our good news.

Good Thing #4: Mailman didn't come until late yesterday. When he did show up though, he delivered a package to our door. It was from one of my internet friends, Lisa. In it was a pair of maternity pants for me. But more exciting, was the baby snowsuit!!! Very cute, and very tiny for a winter newborn, which we will be having. Our first baby gift!!! I cried when I saw it... and in that moment it all became a little more real for me. I'm going to have a baby!!! Thanks again, Lisa! Much love to you!

Freak Out

I've been having one of those "Pregnant after a loss" freak-out days. And I don't like it one, single bit!

Background:
When I was pg with Erin, I went for an unscheduled u/s after some heavy bleeding. Baby was still there, heartbeat and all... though measuring small. That night, I woke with a startle, and was running a fever over 101. A couple days later, I went in for my routine u/s and the heartbeat was gone and the baby measured the same-- no growth. In my mind, I reasoned that the fever came right after it happened and was my body's way of letting me know the outcome I deep-down knew would happen, had come true.

So... I woke this morning. Not a startle. Not freaked out or anything. But because for the 5th time in as many hours I had to pee again. But, before I got out of bed I realized I was sweating. Instantly, the freak-out came. Convinced I had gotten too warm under the covers in my sleep and had fried my baby.

Yes, I realize how absurd that sounds. I know pregnant women get hot and sweat and it's a normal thing. But the flashback to that night when I knew we had lost Erin caused some real panic and concern over here! It was over an hour before I got back to sleep, and then my sleep wasn't great.

I managed to calm down about it some. It helped when I talked to a friend at work about it and she chuckled and told me I couldn't fry my baby. But it does still have me a little nervous. And on top of that, I haven't been as nauseous today (probably because I've paid more attention to eating more frequently) and my boobs haven't hurt as much (probably because I got a new bra that they actually fit into and are no longer being squished in like sardines). And the fact that I have been exhausted all day was blamed on not sleeping well last night... not on the fact that I am pg.

I know I'm bound to have days like this. I think every one of the women on my bulletin board groups went through similar experiences with the up and down of symptoms. Help me out here, though, and remind me I'm normal and my baby is fine.


**Oh. I have details about how we told our parents and will share them soon. For now, I need a nap before I have to get ready for rehearsal tonight. And I'm certain I'll be too tired after that to write, so probably share that with you all tomorrow.

The Details

My apologies for this being so slow to come out. I tried all afternoon to post it, and Blogger wouldn't let me on!


First, the important stuff. You know, the actual facts.

At best guesstimate, was 16dpo yesterday when I tested. Maybe 17, as early as 15, so we're going with the 16 average. Called doctor immediately. Well, after they opened since I tested at 3:30 AM, and they sent me for bloodwork. Called with the results today and they are:

HCG: 1,571
Progesterone: 22.1

VERY high, wonderful, excellent numbers. Go for repeat blood on Monday, at my request. Dr. didn't think I needed it, but they are humoring me. First appointment, with ultrasound, is on March 24.


And for the other stuff:

I was pretty sure the test would be positive. Scared it wouldn't. But sure it would. I've been nauseous for nearly 2 weeks. My boobs have remained big and sore since I ovulated, and in the last week the nipples have become hyper-sensitive. My usual, AF-is-coming breakout never happened. And the big give away...... after several nights of getting into bed with my feet and ankles killing me, it dawned on my that they hurt that way every night when I was pg with Erin.

The test line came up almost immediately. Really. I hadn't even finished going to the bathroom and it was starting to appear. Along with a huge smile on my face. Immediately went and woke the hubby to tell him. He was just as ecstatic as I. We talked, we laughed, we tried to go back to sleep. Around 4, since I was still wide awake, I got up and emailed the news to a couple of friends. Went back to bed, talked with hubby some more, then around 4:30 settled down and attempted a little more sleep before the alarm went off at 5:30. Didn't get much, but I did doze off and on a bit.

Pretty much told everyone at work yesterday. Way too excited to not share the news. Will be telling our parents this weekend when we see them, since we want to do it in person. Everyone I've told so far has been very congratulatory and excited. The AD at my work was already discussing what kind of yarn to use in the baby blanket she'll be crocheting me.

So many times I've wondered how I would be about this. Tell or not tell? Given our history, I figured I'd be one to not say a word until a couple of ultrasounds and a showing belly. But, waiting just didn't feel right. I don't want to spend this pregnancy in fear. I want to enjoy every single minute of it. So we're sharing the news already. I figure, the more people praying for us, the better. And if something were to go wrong, I'll have one hell of a support network in place.

With Erin, I didn't want to tell. We told our immediate families and a few close friends. And they were sworn to secrecy. I was just too worried. I can't explain it. From day one, I was fearful of something happening. I guess in some wierd way, I knew. But this time, I feel confident we'll have a positive outcome. I'm sharing with anyone who will listen. Essentially, shouting it from the rooftops. I'M PREGNANT!!!

This One Should Bring Out the Lurkers

I woke this morning around 3:15, thanks to my bladder. As typical, I laid there trying to decide if I really needed to get up and pee, or if I could wait a couple more hours until my alarm went off. After about 10 minutes of arguing with myself in my head, I finally decided to get up and go, figuring I'd sleep better after that if I did. This is what I then discovered:









Of course, I had to make 100% certain. So this afternoon, I tried this:








After that 3:30 AM bathroom trip, I never made it back to sleep. I was way too excited. I'm thrilled to death, but after a long day at work and the lack of sleep, I am also exhausted. Will give you all the wonderful details a bit later, after I get some rest.

I'm Scared

Surely I'm not the only one to have felt this way. Clearly, Hope is here. As best I can tell, the witch is officially late. Even if I didn't ovulate until cd17, and I'm sure I O'd before that, with a 14 day lp, she should have been here by now. Okay... so I HAVE gone a 15 day lp before... but those were always on medicated cycles. And even with that, I'm still late.

My problem? I'm scared to test. I can't face a negative. Seeing that empty window and knowing AF will be arriving again is too depressing. And, of course, this fear that now that I have suggested being hopeful and the tiny thought that I may be pg, that the damn witch will show first thing in the morning since I have now jinxed myself. So how late will AF have to be before I get over the fear and can POAS? I have this image of me being fat and hugely pregnant and still afraid to take a test.