We left our house at 9AM, grabbed some breakfast, ran a couple errands, and at 11:15 were back home. And this is where we will stay for the rest of the day/evening. Many of the big parties in town offer special packages that get you your admission ticket, and a hotel room. A good idea-- especially since it IS new year's and there IS sure to be some alcohol involved. But, we prefer to stay home and save the $100 or so.
The hubby is chopping wood now to build a fire. We'll sit by it and watch movies until late, then turn on Dick Clark's Rockin' Eve and watch the ball drop in Times Square. We'll open the bottle of champagne we received as a gift and probably each have a glass. Maybe two. We're not big drinkers. Or partiers. So a quiet evening at home is the perfect celebration for us.
If you are one of those who goes out and celebrates, do enjoy your time. But also, do so carefully. 2006 is going to be one hell of a year, and I'd hate for any of you to miss it.
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Friday, December 30, 2005
2005: A Year-End Review
It seems reviews are the thing to do this week in blogland, so figure I might as well jump on that bandwagon. No harm, right? The blog officially started in early February, but entries from January were added. I can't believe I have a whole year of life stored out there on the web. Below is a tidbit from an entry each month, (clicking on the month itself will take you to that entire month's posts) and a link to the full post. What a ride this year has been!
January: I Feel Defective
Erin was due today. It seems strange to think that 9 months ago (or so), we were finding out I was pregnant. We were excited and ready for the journey. Turns out, our pregnancy journey would only last a month. Well, before taking an unexpected turn and altering life’s path. 9 months later, instead of going to the hospital to have a baby, we went to the hospital to find out why we can’t. I had an HSG this morning...
February: Surgery Today
We leave for my surgery in less than 2 hours! Right now, more than anything, I just feel hungry and edgey. I woke up at 6AM with my stomach growling for food. I've usually had breakfast by then. I'm already feeling a headache coming on from not eating. And it will be this evening before I'm finally allowed to eat anything. UGH!...
March: Worry
I wish sometimes that I could go back to a state of innocence about pregnancy. You know. The women who think you have sex, get pregnant, and pop out a baby... without a care in the world. As much as I want to believe it will be that way... I know it won't. After going through a loss, you are always concerned it will happen again...
April: Cervical Abuse
If I was in a relationship where I got treated as badly as I (well, the doctors) have treated my cervix lately, I'd have long since moved on. I'm really surprised mine hasn't. I keep half-expecting the thing to close up the entrance to my uterus, collect its things and high-tail it out of there. I'm just waiting to go in for an exam, where the doctor puts the speculum in, only to find, in the place my cervix should be, a little sign that reads "This Place is HELL! I'm outta here!"...
May: A Spoiled Holiday
It's not too often I sit around feeling sorry for myself or sad over the "shoulda, woulda, coulda's." I prefer to keep a positive outlook on life. But today has been one of those days. Mother's Day 2004, I got a positive hpt. Thrilled, we shared our news with our families when we all went to lunch later that day. As you all know, that baby, our angel Erin, didn't make it. So... for Mother's Day 2005, I sit here with empty arms. Waiting. Wondering. Longing. Crying. Questioning. Praying. Hoping...
June: In My World
We’ll do Clomid if it comes to that, but aren’t sure we can afford injectibles… and certainly can’t afford IVF… so it’s scary. There’s this very real prospect looming out there on the all too near horizon, that if it doesn’t happen soon for us, it may never happen. I may never get pg and have a baby of my own. And that has to be one of the most hopeless, gut-wrenching feelings I have ever had...
July: Camping 2005-- Day 5
Evening was the usual dinner, ice cream and a campfire. I sat next to mil who was holding the nephew. He was sleeping in her arms and she just kept staring at him with a look of awe and wonderment. Seeing that really pulled at my heart and had me close to tears a few times. For whatever reason, the baby longing was already high today and that just added to it. I just wish that longing didn’t also come with a twinge of sadness. I want my “someday.”
August: Kidney Stones
Just after midnight, I was awakened by the hubby saying I needed to get up and take him to the emergency room because he had a kidney stone. Not his first. His fourth, actually. The second since we got married. So he's quite familiar with all the signs. And the excruciating pain. Knew exactly what the problem was and what he needed to do. However, at that hour, having been asleep for a while since I didn't feel well, I wasn't the most understanding right at first. My response? To roll over and say "Can't you just sleep it off or something?"...
September: And the Answer is...
Negative. Not this cycle. I will be returning to my regular OB for the next round of Clomid and trigger shot. Not a bad thing. I love my OB and all the staff at her office. In my short-lived pregnancy last year, I was in and out of there so much they all knew me on sight. In a strange way, I've missed them. So I'm glad to be going back. I wish I was returning already pregnant, but either way, good to be back. I know I'm more relaxed around them. Maybe that will help.
October: I Hate My Ovaries
Had my follie scan today. After last month's disappointment of only having one follie, I decided in no way would I get my hopes up for multiple follies this month. One would be fine with me...
November: FINALLY!
I responded to Clomid. Just home from my follie check. One at 27mm, one at 31mm and one she didn't measure since it was quite a bit smaller than the other two. Guessing, from previous scans and measures, it was around a 15... give or take a little. YIPEE!!!! Evidently, a mega dose of Clomid is what it takes for me...
December: Game Over
No more playing with my hormones. No more playing with our intercourse timing. No more playing the two-week-wait. The BFP in 2005 game is over. We didn't win. Which is so unlike me...
If you made it this far, I commend you. Here's hoping next year is good to all of us!
January: I Feel Defective
Erin was due today. It seems strange to think that 9 months ago (or so), we were finding out I was pregnant. We were excited and ready for the journey. Turns out, our pregnancy journey would only last a month. Well, before taking an unexpected turn and altering life’s path. 9 months later, instead of going to the hospital to have a baby, we went to the hospital to find out why we can’t. I had an HSG this morning...
February: Surgery Today
We leave for my surgery in less than 2 hours! Right now, more than anything, I just feel hungry and edgey. I woke up at 6AM with my stomach growling for food. I've usually had breakfast by then. I'm already feeling a headache coming on from not eating. And it will be this evening before I'm finally allowed to eat anything. UGH!...
March: Worry
I wish sometimes that I could go back to a state of innocence about pregnancy. You know. The women who think you have sex, get pregnant, and pop out a baby... without a care in the world. As much as I want to believe it will be that way... I know it won't. After going through a loss, you are always concerned it will happen again...
April: Cervical Abuse
If I was in a relationship where I got treated as badly as I (well, the doctors) have treated my cervix lately, I'd have long since moved on. I'm really surprised mine hasn't. I keep half-expecting the thing to close up the entrance to my uterus, collect its things and high-tail it out of there. I'm just waiting to go in for an exam, where the doctor puts the speculum in, only to find, in the place my cervix should be, a little sign that reads "This Place is HELL! I'm outta here!"...
May: A Spoiled Holiday
It's not too often I sit around feeling sorry for myself or sad over the "shoulda, woulda, coulda's." I prefer to keep a positive outlook on life. But today has been one of those days. Mother's Day 2004, I got a positive hpt. Thrilled, we shared our news with our families when we all went to lunch later that day. As you all know, that baby, our angel Erin, didn't make it. So... for Mother's Day 2005, I sit here with empty arms. Waiting. Wondering. Longing. Crying. Questioning. Praying. Hoping...
June: In My World
We’ll do Clomid if it comes to that, but aren’t sure we can afford injectibles… and certainly can’t afford IVF… so it’s scary. There’s this very real prospect looming out there on the all too near horizon, that if it doesn’t happen soon for us, it may never happen. I may never get pg and have a baby of my own. And that has to be one of the most hopeless, gut-wrenching feelings I have ever had...
July: Camping 2005-- Day 5
Evening was the usual dinner, ice cream and a campfire. I sat next to mil who was holding the nephew. He was sleeping in her arms and she just kept staring at him with a look of awe and wonderment. Seeing that really pulled at my heart and had me close to tears a few times. For whatever reason, the baby longing was already high today and that just added to it. I just wish that longing didn’t also come with a twinge of sadness. I want my “someday.”
August: Kidney Stones
Just after midnight, I was awakened by the hubby saying I needed to get up and take him to the emergency room because he had a kidney stone. Not his first. His fourth, actually. The second since we got married. So he's quite familiar with all the signs. And the excruciating pain. Knew exactly what the problem was and what he needed to do. However, at that hour, having been asleep for a while since I didn't feel well, I wasn't the most understanding right at first. My response? To roll over and say "Can't you just sleep it off or something?"...
September: And the Answer is...
Negative. Not this cycle. I will be returning to my regular OB for the next round of Clomid and trigger shot. Not a bad thing. I love my OB and all the staff at her office. In my short-lived pregnancy last year, I was in and out of there so much they all knew me on sight. In a strange way, I've missed them. So I'm glad to be going back. I wish I was returning already pregnant, but either way, good to be back. I know I'm more relaxed around them. Maybe that will help.
October: I Hate My Ovaries
Had my follie scan today. After last month's disappointment of only having one follie, I decided in no way would I get my hopes up for multiple follies this month. One would be fine with me...
November: FINALLY!
I responded to Clomid. Just home from my follie check. One at 27mm, one at 31mm and one she didn't measure since it was quite a bit smaller than the other two. Guessing, from previous scans and measures, it was around a 15... give or take a little. YIPEE!!!! Evidently, a mega dose of Clomid is what it takes for me...
December: Game Over
No more playing with my hormones. No more playing with our intercourse timing. No more playing the two-week-wait. The BFP in 2005 game is over. We didn't win. Which is so unlike me...
If you made it this far, I commend you. Here's hoping next year is good to all of us!
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
I'm Never Going Out Again
I went downtown to meet the hubby for lunch today. Not something I get to do very often, since downtown is 20 minutes from our house, and I work 20 minutes away in the opposite direction. But since I have the day off, we decided we would enjoy a lunch together.
We never go anywhere "fancy." Our first meeting/date was at the mall, just before Christmas 2002. So, when the opportunity presents itself, we go back to the mall and enjoy burgers and fries at Johnny Rockets, just as we did on that first date. Call us cheesy. Or crazy. Or just a couple who enjoys that chance to reminisce.
Lunch was slow to arrive today, as our waiter was obviously new and clueless. The hubby sent his burger back twice before they got it right. Mine got sent back once since I ordered a grilled ham & cheese and he brought me a double burger. It took over 10 minutes just to get a refill on my coke. Not the best service we've ever had there, but the food is still good, the memories still fresh and we'll go back again, I am certain.
After lunch we walked the mall. Stopped at the game place to pick up Phase 10. The newest and latest in our game repertoire. We played it at my mom's last night, had a great time, and decided we had to have it for our own play... especially when we go to Michigan. All the games were 25% off... and it is only a card game, so we got it for cheap. The "Master's Edition." Which basically means it comes in a metal tin to keep the cards protected (and dry on those rainy camping trips).
The hubby headed back to work and I headed to the truck, parked in the garage across the street. Get in the truck, pull out my ticket and my money and head out. I get in the line to pay and leave the garage. And the idiot in front of me decided that sitting at the booth and blocking traffic would be a good place to search his pockets, jacket and car for the ticket he has apparently misplaced. I finally get a break and get into the other line, pay my fare and exit the garage.
I'm sitting at the garage exit, waiting to turn left onto the street, which is one way... which means I am looking to the right at the oncoming traffic. I see a break coming up, but out of habit, checked the other way, even though it's a one-way street. Thankfully I did, because a couple had decided to walk in front of the truck instead of behind it and were dead-centered in front of me when I looked. Had I just pulled out, I would have run over them both.
Once on the street, somebody nearly side-swiped me. I decided I had enough of that street at that point, so turned to cut over a block. At the next intersection, where I'm waiting to turn and continue towards home, a semi truck driver was trying to turn onto the cross street from the other direction and having a rough time with the turn. He had to put it in reverse and try a couple times before he got it. Same truck had issues making the turn onto his next street a few blocks later. Just not a good day for driving.
After all that, I finally made it home, safe and sound, but I think I'm staying in for the rest of the winter.
We never go anywhere "fancy." Our first meeting/date was at the mall, just before Christmas 2002. So, when the opportunity presents itself, we go back to the mall and enjoy burgers and fries at Johnny Rockets, just as we did on that first date. Call us cheesy. Or crazy. Or just a couple who enjoys that chance to reminisce.
Lunch was slow to arrive today, as our waiter was obviously new and clueless. The hubby sent his burger back twice before they got it right. Mine got sent back once since I ordered a grilled ham & cheese and he brought me a double burger. It took over 10 minutes just to get a refill on my coke. Not the best service we've ever had there, but the food is still good, the memories still fresh and we'll go back again, I am certain.
After lunch we walked the mall. Stopped at the game place to pick up Phase 10. The newest and latest in our game repertoire. We played it at my mom's last night, had a great time, and decided we had to have it for our own play... especially when we go to Michigan. All the games were 25% off... and it is only a card game, so we got it for cheap. The "Master's Edition." Which basically means it comes in a metal tin to keep the cards protected (and dry on those rainy camping trips).
The hubby headed back to work and I headed to the truck, parked in the garage across the street. Get in the truck, pull out my ticket and my money and head out. I get in the line to pay and leave the garage. And the idiot in front of me decided that sitting at the booth and blocking traffic would be a good place to search his pockets, jacket and car for the ticket he has apparently misplaced. I finally get a break and get into the other line, pay my fare and exit the garage.
I'm sitting at the garage exit, waiting to turn left onto the street, which is one way... which means I am looking to the right at the oncoming traffic. I see a break coming up, but out of habit, checked the other way, even though it's a one-way street. Thankfully I did, because a couple had decided to walk in front of the truck instead of behind it and were dead-centered in front of me when I looked. Had I just pulled out, I would have run over them both.
Once on the street, somebody nearly side-swiped me. I decided I had enough of that street at that point, so turned to cut over a block. At the next intersection, where I'm waiting to turn and continue towards home, a semi truck driver was trying to turn onto the cross street from the other direction and having a rough time with the turn. He had to put it in reverse and try a couple times before he got it. Same truck had issues making the turn onto his next street a few blocks later. Just not a good day for driving.
After all that, I finally made it home, safe and sound, but I think I'm staying in for the rest of the winter.
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
20 Months
On Christmas Eve, the hubby and I celebrated 20 months of marriage. 20 months of love and wonderfulness and going strong. Actually, we went to dinner the night before to celebrate. Our Christmas Eve always includes about 8 hours at church for 3 services, so not much time in there to celebrate. We got up Saturday morning and hubby helped me finish baking cookies. Got done early enough I was even able to get in a short, but much needed, nap before church.
The last 20 months have been incredible. But the hard part is realizing it has also been 20 months since we started trying to have a baby. To think... we got pregnant on our FIRST TRY oh so long ago. Yet, here we are. Many months later and no baby. We've been pregnant, seen a heartbeat, not seen a heartbeat, gone through a D&C, tried and tried, given many tubes of blood, done multiple rounds of Clomid, had 2 HSGs, surgery for a septum resection, more Clomid, more trying. Our arms are still empty and our hearts our still longing.
Thankfully, I was able to make it through Christmas with my sanity. (Well, I didn't lose any more than I have already. HA!) For the most part, I did enjoy the day. I was disappointed in my mom, however. She's been so good about not bringing up the baby thing, since last January when we told her about my septum and upcoming surgery and asked that she not discuss baby stuff since it is so hard for us. She nearly made it a year. And then, just as we were leaving her house Christmas afternoon, she looks at me, rocks her arms, and says very quietly (behind hubby's back so he doesn't hear) "Hopefully next year we'll have one." O. U. C. H. Thanks, mom. Just what I needed to hear as I'm on my way to my in-laws house to celebrate the nephew's first Christmas. I loved having that image and that statement going through my head as I'm putting every ounce of energy I have into enjoying the day and the time with family... even though it was one GIANT reminder of what I so desperately want, yet can't seem to have. No wonder I feel so mentally exhausted.
Hopefully, by the time we hit 40 months, we're not still going through this.
The last 20 months have been incredible. But the hard part is realizing it has also been 20 months since we started trying to have a baby. To think... we got pregnant on our FIRST TRY oh so long ago. Yet, here we are. Many months later and no baby. We've been pregnant, seen a heartbeat, not seen a heartbeat, gone through a D&C, tried and tried, given many tubes of blood, done multiple rounds of Clomid, had 2 HSGs, surgery for a septum resection, more Clomid, more trying. Our arms are still empty and our hearts our still longing.
Thankfully, I was able to make it through Christmas with my sanity. (Well, I didn't lose any more than I have already. HA!) For the most part, I did enjoy the day. I was disappointed in my mom, however. She's been so good about not bringing up the baby thing, since last January when we told her about my septum and upcoming surgery and asked that she not discuss baby stuff since it is so hard for us. She nearly made it a year. And then, just as we were leaving her house Christmas afternoon, she looks at me, rocks her arms, and says very quietly (behind hubby's back so he doesn't hear) "Hopefully next year we'll have one." O. U. C. H. Thanks, mom. Just what I needed to hear as I'm on my way to my in-laws house to celebrate the nephew's first Christmas. I loved having that image and that statement going through my head as I'm putting every ounce of energy I have into enjoying the day and the time with family... even though it was one GIANT reminder of what I so desperately want, yet can't seem to have. No wonder I feel so mentally exhausted.
Hopefully, by the time we hit 40 months, we're not still going through this.
Friday, December 23, 2005
Happy Holidays
Well I'm definitely feeling better and over the bug. Have worked all week, like normal. But, being under the weather for a few days put me way behind and have been playing catch-up all week long. Just about there. Presents are all wrapped and under the tree. No kids (YET!) so no need to worry about that Santa thing. Lots of cookies baked. More to finish up tomorrow, but not much. And will spend about 8 hours at church tomorrow afternoon/evening. 3 services. Hubby has to be at all of them to run sound. I have to be at two of them for handbells and the other one is the children's service which is always fun to see, so I may as well spend the time at church with hubby. Christmas day will be full of church and visits to family. And THEN maybe I'll have some time to do a real blog.
Merry Christmas, my dear friends and readers!!! I hope yours is a joyous one and you get all you are hoping for!
Merry Christmas, my dear friends and readers!!! I hope yours is a joyous one and you get all you are hoping for!
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
More Delays...
... in my blogging. There's been a bug going around work, and evidently, it was my turn to get it. Pretty much anytime I stand up out of bed, I run to the bathroom to puke. Currently, I am in between barf sessions. I seem to have a 15 minute (or so) window from the time I hurl til the time I start feeling like I want to again. And I really hate to vomit. As it is, I lied in bed for 40 minutes, needing to use the bathroom, because I knew when I got up to go, things would get ugly.
Not working tomorrow. Hubby went to store and bought me some 7-up and taking good care of me. Pepper won't leave my side... very unusual for her since she's quite the "daddy's girl" in the evening. Hopefully will feel better soon and be back to regular blogging.
Not working tomorrow. Hubby went to store and bought me some 7-up and taking good care of me. Pepper won't leave my side... very unusual for her since she's quite the "daddy's girl" in the evening. Hopefully will feel better soon and be back to regular blogging.
Monday, December 12, 2005
I am home...
Just been busy and not had much time to blog. Got in late Saturday night. Two services at church on Sunday. Lunch at the in-laws. Colts' game. And an early bedtime after the busy weekend. And tonight I had rehearsal, so still no time. There are ideas a plenty. Give me a few and I'll get them out there for your reading pleasure. 'Til then...
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Sweating in the snow to Grandma's House
I hate to sweat. It's gross and leaves me feeling slimey and in need of an immediate shower. I'm always cold. We're talking, I will be wearing sweatshirts and/or a jacket until at least late April. And shorts won't grace my legs until late May or early June. I never used to sweat, mainly because I'm generally feeling like a popsicle. Until recently. Thanks to assorted drugs and hormone changes, I seem to sweat all the time. I sweat at handbell rehearsal last night. Everytime the heat runs at work, I sweat. Hot flashes are too numerous to count. And night sweats are so bad I wake up dripping. With all the sweating, I feel I'd have to live in the shower in order to not feel slimey all the time. But then I'd have another hot flash and be sweating in the shower, too, so what's the point? It's nice to be complaining about being warm, for a change, but warm to the point of sweat beads on my forehead just plain sucks.
********************
It snowed today. A LOT! The snow started falling about 2 PM. Not a few flakes and flurries for you to say "Hey. The snow is starting." No. It just opened up and dumped on us. By the time I left work 2 hours later, we'd already had close to 4 inches fall. By the time I made it home, nearly 2 hours after that, another close to 2 inches. And it is still snowing. Very pretty. Very icky roads. 2 hours to do what is normally a 20 minute drive that time of day. Since I spent so much time not moving, or moving at a crawl, I did at least catch up on a few phone calls. I don't normally like to use my cell phone while driving, but it's not like I was going anywhere.
*********************
Over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house we go. The horse knows the way, to carry the sleigh through white and drifted snow.
I will be away from blog land for a few days. Didn't want anyone to think I had disappeared into some I'm-not-pregnant depression. Mind you, I'm not dancing naked in the living room or anything, but I'm not disappearing cause I'm down. We're leaving tomorrow afternoon for my grandma's house. Saturday is our annual Christmas get-together.
It's a week early this year. Grandma had planned to go to Utah next week to visit my Aunt. She's cancelled her trip, due to some very, very minor complication with the knee replacement she had done several weeks ago (something about being half a continent away from her doctor, should the complication turn into something more serious worried her too much to make the trip. Can't say I blame her.) Christmas, however, is still happening this weekend, as scheduled. Unfortunately, we can not stay the whole weekend, as is normal. We have to come back Saturday evening so I can be at church on Sunday to ring handbells.
Since we can't stay late, we're going over early. The hubby and I are both leaving work around noon. Packing tonight, so all we have to do when we get home tomorrow is put everything in the truck, drop the doggie off at his parents, and be on our way. We will cross a river. Not much for woods though. Mostly corn fields. And this time of year, they're empty. So mostly nothing. But the drive home Saturday will be full of Christmas lights, which will be wonderfully beautiful in all the snow. And with the hot flashes, hubby and I might actually agree on the temperature in the truck for the drive, which would be a first. Should be a good trip. See you all when I return.
********************
It snowed today. A LOT! The snow started falling about 2 PM. Not a few flakes and flurries for you to say "Hey. The snow is starting." No. It just opened up and dumped on us. By the time I left work 2 hours later, we'd already had close to 4 inches fall. By the time I made it home, nearly 2 hours after that, another close to 2 inches. And it is still snowing. Very pretty. Very icky roads. 2 hours to do what is normally a 20 minute drive that time of day. Since I spent so much time not moving, or moving at a crawl, I did at least catch up on a few phone calls. I don't normally like to use my cell phone while driving, but it's not like I was going anywhere.
*********************
Over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house we go. The horse knows the way, to carry the sleigh through white and drifted snow.
I will be away from blog land for a few days. Didn't want anyone to think I had disappeared into some I'm-not-pregnant depression. Mind you, I'm not dancing naked in the living room or anything, but I'm not disappearing cause I'm down. We're leaving tomorrow afternoon for my grandma's house. Saturday is our annual Christmas get-together.
It's a week early this year. Grandma had planned to go to Utah next week to visit my Aunt. She's cancelled her trip, due to some very, very minor complication with the knee replacement she had done several weeks ago (something about being half a continent away from her doctor, should the complication turn into something more serious worried her too much to make the trip. Can't say I blame her.) Christmas, however, is still happening this weekend, as scheduled. Unfortunately, we can not stay the whole weekend, as is normal. We have to come back Saturday evening so I can be at church on Sunday to ring handbells.
Since we can't stay late, we're going over early. The hubby and I are both leaving work around noon. Packing tonight, so all we have to do when we get home tomorrow is put everything in the truck, drop the doggie off at his parents, and be on our way. We will cross a river. Not much for woods though. Mostly corn fields. And this time of year, they're empty. So mostly nothing. But the drive home Saturday will be full of Christmas lights, which will be wonderfully beautiful in all the snow. And with the hot flashes, hubby and I might actually agree on the temperature in the truck for the drive, which would be a first. Should be a good trip. See you all when I return.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Update
Spoke with the nurse at my doc's office today. Dr. said the pain in my ovaries is common with Clomid, likely a small cyst or two and should go away on it's own. Since my period started, it means it is already getting smaller. Take Tylenol or Advil for pain. Call in a week if still not better.
Also found out, she'll let me do one more Clomid cycle. The nurse was ready to call it in if I wanted. Told her we wanted to take the holidays off, but now that I know I can do another round, I'll probably call in January. With the possible cyst, she said taking a month off is a good idea. If that round doesn't work, it's back to the RE. Told her I've not been thrilled with the one I've been seeing and want to do as much as possible with her office. But, the Clomid is it for her. After that she refers to RE. Said she would be glad to help me find one I like better, not a problem at all.
I think part of my problem with the RE's office is the cost. For a cd13 ultrasound to check follie sizes, I see the nurse and get charged $227. For the exact same ultrasound at my OB's office, I see the actual doctor and get charged $38. No wonder fertility treatments are so damn expensive, with a mark-up like that! And without insurance to cover it, that price difference is well worth seeing the OB vs. the RE. Just wish she could do more.
So anyways. A boring blog post. But that's what's up with me today. Not much in the mood for creative writing.
Also found out, she'll let me do one more Clomid cycle. The nurse was ready to call it in if I wanted. Told her we wanted to take the holidays off, but now that I know I can do another round, I'll probably call in January. With the possible cyst, she said taking a month off is a good idea. If that round doesn't work, it's back to the RE. Told her I've not been thrilled with the one I've been seeing and want to do as much as possible with her office. But, the Clomid is it for her. After that she refers to RE. Said she would be glad to help me find one I like better, not a problem at all.
I think part of my problem with the RE's office is the cost. For a cd13 ultrasound to check follie sizes, I see the nurse and get charged $227. For the exact same ultrasound at my OB's office, I see the actual doctor and get charged $38. No wonder fertility treatments are so damn expensive, with a mark-up like that! And without insurance to cover it, that price difference is well worth seeing the OB vs. the RE. Just wish she could do more.
So anyways. A boring blog post. But that's what's up with me today. Not much in the mood for creative writing.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Game Over
No more playing with my hormones. No more playing with our intercourse timing. No more playing the two-week-wait. The BFP in 2005 game is over. We didn't win. Which is so unlike me.
I like games. So does the hubby. We play games regularly. Even have some friends we get together with every month or two for a game night. I'm competitive. I like to win. Ask the hubby, I usually do win. There are even some games he will no longer play with me because I win at them so much. So why in the hell can't I win at this game?!?
I like games. So does the hubby. We play games regularly. Even have some friends we get together with every month or two for a game night. I'm competitive. I like to win. Ask the hubby, I usually do win. There are even some games he will no longer play with me because I win at them so much. So why in the hell can't I win at this game?!?
Monday, December 05, 2005
16 DPO and Counting
Another day and another no-show on good ol' Aunt Flo. My temp was down this morning, so I thought for certain she'd be here. Still nothing. It's about to drive me insane. I'm ready for this cycle to be over. Whether it's AF showing up or getting a bfp, I just want it to happen so I can move on. I just want my body to make up it's mind. This waiting is for the birds.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Hope?
I was curious. Okay, and maybe struggling to find some kind of hope left for this cycle. So I went to good ol' Fertility Friend's chart gallery. I did a search for charts that showed a late +HPT (meaning day 15 or later) after having previously had a -HPT. Also made sure they had taken Clomid and had an HCG shot. I found this one:
The green is my current chart. The blue is one I found in the gallery... that didn't get a positive until day 18 after a negative on day 14. I was just shocked by how similar they look. I even made the hubby come look at it, and he was surprised, too. I know it doesn't mean much, and I'm still feeling pretty doubtful, but it did give me a little hope to hang on to.
The green is my current chart. The blue is one I found in the gallery... that didn't get a positive until day 18 after a negative on day 14. I was just shocked by how similar they look. I even made the hubby come look at it, and he was surprised, too. I know it doesn't mean much, and I'm still feeling pretty doubtful, but it did give me a little hope to hang on to.
Another Test
Another negative. At 15dpo, I'm pretty inclined to believe it. Given the pains I've been having, the delayed period, and still high temps, I'll be calling my doc in the morning about possibly having a cyst. Suspect I do and that is the reason behind all this. Either way, we're done with Clomid.
What comes next, I don't know. If it is a cyst, I know we'll be taking some time off until it goes away. If it isn't, we're still taking December off to enjoy the holidays. Then we'll look at our options and make some decisions. Thanks so much for all of your support. I do wish I could say this is it. But, it appears our journey is going to be a long one, so as long as you'll continue to give, I'll continue to ask for prayers and encouragement.
What comes next, I don't know. If it is a cyst, I know we'll be taking some time off until it goes away. If it isn't, we're still taking December off to enjoy the holidays. Then we'll look at our options and make some decisions. Thanks so much for all of your support. I do wish I could say this is it. But, it appears our journey is going to be a long one, so as long as you'll continue to give, I'll continue to ask for prayers and encouragement.
Saturday, December 03, 2005
Evening
Since I got out of bed for good, my day has improved. Got more cleaning done on the computer (soon to be baby's) room. For months it has been our "catch-all" and we've taken to cleaning, sorting, and pitching the last couple of weekends. It's almost there, and it feels so good to have the space organized.
Did some Christmas shopping. For the most part, we are now finished. Just have to pick up a couple of small things, and wrap it all. The wrapping is my favorite part. The hubby's idea of wrapping is to slap some paper around the box, in any old way, and call it done. Not me. Paper is carefully selected. Corners neatly folded. Bows and ribbons chosen to match. I take pride in my wrapping skills. While we were out, bought some new ribbon and bows. It's like an early Christmas for me! Can't wait to get started.
Also while out, we bought some real pregnancy tests. First Response. Bought a 2-pack, but a free bonus test inside, so now have 3. Let's hope one of them is positive tomorrow.
Did some Christmas shopping. For the most part, we are now finished. Just have to pick up a couple of small things, and wrap it all. The wrapping is my favorite part. The hubby's idea of wrapping is to slap some paper around the box, in any old way, and call it done. Not me. Paper is carefully selected. Corners neatly folded. Bows and ribbons chosen to match. I take pride in my wrapping skills. While we were out, bought some new ribbon and bows. It's like an early Christmas for me! Can't wait to get started.
Also while out, we bought some real pregnancy tests. First Response. Bought a 2-pack, but a free bonus test inside, so now have 3. Let's hope one of them is positive tomorrow.
Morning
5:37 Wake and put thermometer in mouth.
5:38 Remove thermometer and read. Back up to 99! Good sign.
5:39 Roll over and attempt a little more sleep.
6:24 Sleep not working. Analyze boobs. Still very swollen. And, ouch! Tender, too. Good sign.
6:32 Decide to get up and pee. Still no signs of my period in sight.
6:33 Take pregnancy test.
6:34 Crawl back into bed.
6:43 Get up to read results.
6:44 Curse at the damn negative. Cheap ass dollar store test. You suck.
6:45 Crawl back into bed. Cry on hubby's shoulder. Wonder why we can't get pg. Blame cheap test in effort to keep some kind of hope. Go back to sleep.
So yeah, my morning sucked. How about yours?
5:38 Remove thermometer and read. Back up to 99! Good sign.
5:39 Roll over and attempt a little more sleep.
6:24 Sleep not working. Analyze boobs. Still very swollen. And, ouch! Tender, too. Good sign.
6:32 Decide to get up and pee. Still no signs of my period in sight.
6:33 Take pregnancy test.
6:34 Crawl back into bed.
6:43 Get up to read results.
6:44 Curse at the damn negative. Cheap ass dollar store test. You suck.
6:45 Crawl back into bed. Cry on hubby's shoulder. Wonder why we can't get pg. Blame cheap test in effort to keep some kind of hope. Go back to sleep.
So yeah, my morning sucked. How about yours?
Friday, December 02, 2005
No News
Nothing new to report. I have very little patience for most things, but when it comes to this, I seem to have all the patience in the world. I would much rather wait to poas until I'm reasonably certain the result will be accurate (14dpo or so). By then, if it's going to be positive, it will be. And if it's a negative, AF will generally show. And I would prefer that to looking at another blank ass window on a stick. I used to be a bit of a poas-aholic. Not so much anymore. After nearly 18 months of ttc, the constant disappointment isn't worth it. (not to mention the money!)
My temps are still up, which is good. Still no spotting. Boobs are swollen and tender. A little crampy, but not much. Of course, all those things seem to happen every month... minus the high temp part. And an overlay of my charts shows this cycle's temps to be way higher than previous cycles. It seems over the next day or so is when they tend to nosedive, so we'll see what tomorrow's temp brings. Depending on that, I'll decided when to test again. Until then, we'll all just have to keep hoping and praying.
My temps are still up, which is good. Still no spotting. Boobs are swollen and tender. A little crampy, but not much. Of course, all those things seem to happen every month... minus the high temp part. And an overlay of my charts shows this cycle's temps to be way higher than previous cycles. It seems over the next day or so is when they tend to nosedive, so we'll see what tomorrow's temp brings. Depending on that, I'll decided when to test again. Until then, we'll all just have to keep hoping and praying.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
