To My Internet Friends

I must say thank you. I got home from work, read all of your comments, and was moved to tears by all the love and support I felt. It means so much to me. And to those from TFBOJ and June 04 Angels, the fact that you commented here, instead of in a post, means even more. It was great to read all of your wonderful thoughts without having to log-on to the boards, scan through the posts to see if any were to me, inevitably to find out yet another person is pg before me. So much easier this way. And very, VERY much appreciated.

I Love You All!!!

Hold on to Hope

Came home today and after not peeing all afternoon and having only a few sips of water, decided to pee on a stick (poas). Just a dollar store cheap one. I don't buy the expensive ones anymore. Waste of money. I figure once one of the dollar store tests gives me a positive, I'll go buy one of every name brand out there just to verify over and over again and hopefully convince myself to believe the results. Until then, it's pee on cheap tests.

So I peed. And watched. And waited. And nothing happened. The control line appeared. But the area for the test line was once again, completely blank. Now, I am only 10 days past ovulation, so it's very early. Which means I'm not at all ruling this cycle out yet.

I would so love to be one of those women who can poas at 7 or 8 dpo and see a positive. But, alas, that is not me. I've been pregnant twice. Both times the positive didn't show until 14dpo. Over the past many months since my septum removal, I told myself I didn't get early positives because of the septum. Maybe that's not the reason. Maybe I just don't produce a lot of hcg right away.

Okay, so that last part has a hint of trying to convince myself this cycle isn't another failure. That I can still hold out for that Christmas positive. That in another couple days that test window will have a line in it and I can put this ttc/infertility nightmare behind me. That I don't have to chuck those hopes out the proverbial window and start over. I don't want to celebrate another Christmas without being pregnant. It is entirely too hard to do. I have to hold on to hope. And pray. Pray with me, won't you?

One More Thing...

GO COLTS!!!!

Blog Worth

Saw this over on Tertia's blog and had to check it out for myself. Hers is worth WAY more than mine, though. Maybe all you lurkers should leave me some comments once in a while and improve my blog's worth. ;-) (Not to mention, I'd just like to hear from you.)

My blog is worth $2,822.70.
How much is your blog worth?

Is it Friday yet?

The hubby and I sat down on the couch last night, fire in the fireplace, and I was falling asleep by 8:45. I asked him if we could have a weekend to recover from the long weekend. I certainly feel ready for one.

Our 4-day stretch wasn't bad. All good, really. Just lots and lots going on and never a real moment to just sit and relax. Church Thanksgiving Day morning, then a late lunch at my mom's. Friday morning we got up (thanks to the dog) and decided to hit the stores for some of the sales. Friday afternoon we got the Christmas stuff out of the attic and set up the tree. Saturday morning was decorating the church for Advent and then to the in-law's for another turkey dinner. Saturday evening we put all the lights up outside, put lights on the tree, and put up all the decorations. Sunday was church, lunch at the in-law's, more shopping (groceries!) and then we finished up the Christmas decorating. Just a go, go, go 4 days.

It was hectic, but enjoyable. And the nice thing is, our Christmas shopping is nearly complete, so the next 27 days should be calm and enjoyable. (Note: I did say SHOULD.) Just a couple of small things left to pick-up. And a few dozen cookies to bake. Ah, the holiday season.

Giving Thanks

Some of the things I'm thankful for this year:

I'm here and healthy (minus the infertility part, anyways).

I have such a wonderful husband. (even if I'm annoyed with him right now)Married 19 months today. And it's been one hell of a ride so far.

Family. Mine is the greatest.

Those in the military. Our country wouldn't be so great without them.

Those who serve. Police and firefighters and such who keep us safe.

Doctors. For keeping us healthy. And especially to my ob/gyn and her staff. All dr's offices should have to live up to their standards of friendliness, compassion and understanding.

Music. It brings much joy to my life in many different forms.

I have a nice home and a good job.

and, You. My wonderful readers. Your comments most often bring a smile to my face.

Certainly, not an all inclusive list. But the important stuff, anyways. May you have plenty to be thankful for this year, too.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Slacker

I've been a slacker blogger this week. Honestly, I've just been too tired. Clearly, my progesterone level is through the roof this month... or so my chart has me believing. My temps are sky-high and I have no energy. And the Breastometer is starting to show readings. I guess that's what happens when you have 3 follicles and force them to ovulate.

Besides, I just haven't had many blog ideas this week. I suppose there's always the mundane of what's happening around here, but really... how much of that can you all take? It's a long weekend. Maybe I'll get inspired after I get some extra zzz's.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

As promised, here's my thoughts on the latest HP flick. I can't promise there won't be spoilers in this post, so if you haven't seen it or don't know the story and don't want to be spoiled, maybe you should skip this entry.

It's great to see how the main stars have grown. All the complaints when the first movie came out about Rupert Grint not fitting the description of Ron can now be thrown out the window. A few years of puberty and he really fits the tall, lanky character. The hubby says Emma Watson is quite the hottie as Hermione, and I'll take his word on that. And Daniel Radcliffe's scruffy hair bugged me, but fits the teen-age look. Dumbledore (Michael Gambon) seemed more harsh this year. And Mad-Eye Moody is just creepy.

As much as I love Goblet of Fire, and it is my favorite book of the six, I don't yet think I can say that about this movie. I plan on seeing it again, and then I'll be able to say for sure, but right now, I can't. It's a good movie, yes, and I'd tell anyone who asks they should see it, but I didn't leave the theater near as revved-up and excited as with previous movies. The unfortunate part, is I can't put my finger on just what it is that the movie lacks.

For one, book 4 is a monster compared to previous editions. I said from the beginning they'd have a hard time putting it in movie form without it being of epic length. Clearly, they did. There were so many things from the book that we didn't see in the movie, I think it left me disappointed. I was looking forward to the Quidditch World Cup. I was excited about getting to see Dobby again. Neither of those things happened. The Quidditch Cup had everyone arriving at camp, going into the match, the teams coming out for their introductions, and then it was over. We moved right on to the after match celebrations and then the Death Eaters. I had been looking forward to the quick-paced action of the match and got nothing.

The movie was entirely about the Triwizard Tournament. Pretty much, any sub plot that didn't relate to the tourney was left out. Harry's name came out of the goblet, dragons were battled, the Yule Ball was held, merpeople were visited (they were rather scary looking) and a maze was run. That's the movie in a nutshell. Lots of action in each of the tasks. And lots of special effects. It is pretty amazing what they can do with computer animation these days.

A small visit to the rift between Harry and Ron about him getting enetered into the tournament. A tiny mention of the tension between Ron and Hermione when she goes to the ball with Krum. A rewriting of the second task so that Neville turns Harry on to the gillyweed, not Dobby. And a choppy feeling of getting through all the tasks so we could get to the Triwizard Cup portkey in the center of the maze.

THEN it got exciting. (Okay, so lots of the tournament stuff was exciting to watch, too. This is a different exciting. Know what I mean?) The graveyard is creepy. And the whole scene that takes place there is not for young kids. Watching Voldemort come to life was wonderful. Through three movies we've battled this shapeless form of a character. I was thrilled to see his ressurection. Not that I like Voldemort. He's wicked, and evil, and I can't wait to see Harry kill him. But it was neat to watch his transformation and wonderful to have a face for the character now.

The wrap-up at the end of the movie, after Harry and Cedric return to Hogwarts seemed rushed. Details were omitted. Nothing too critical. But, for example, there is no mention as to how Dumbledore suddenly knew that Mad-Eye was an imposter. Although Barty Crouch, Jr. turning back into himself from Mad-Eye was pretty wild. Great special effects there.

This movie is definitely darker than the others. Noticeably so from the first strain of the theme. Rewritten to take on a darker, more serious tone, rather than the light, bouncy theme we're used to. Hogwarts seemed darker. The characters are more serious. New monsters are battled for a special effects lovers' dream. It starts with a murder. And ends with a murder. The ending one is quite sad. The ultimate evil villian returns. Yep. I'd say it's dark.

And now that I've written all that, I'm finding I like the movie a little more. Though, it is Harry Potter, so I don't know that I could ever NOT like it.

FINALLY!

I responded to Clomid. Just home from my follie check. One at 27mm, one at 31mm and one she didn't measure since it was quite a bit smaller than the other two. Guessing, from previous scans and measures, it was around a 15... give or take a little. YIPEE!!!! Evidently, a mega dose of Clomid is what it takes for me. Thankfully, it did not affect my lining. It measured at a healthy 9. (Most docs want at least 6, closer to 8 if they can get it)

I absolutely hated the way I felt on the stronger dose of meds, but it finally worked like it is supposed to. Now I'm torn between taking time off and then consulting with the RE, as we had planned, or trying another mega dose round since this one went well. Pray we catch one (or two!) of these eggs this month and don't have to worry about that.

Dinner and the new Harry Potter movie tonight. WOOHOO!! You know I'm quite the fan and have to see it on opening day. If I didn't have to be to work at such a hideously early hour, I'd have been at a midnight showing. Will let you all know what I think of it. Just don't expect a review immediately. We have an egg to catch.

There's Just Something Wrong...

... with the words "thunderstorm," "tornado" and "snow" being used in the same weather forecast. Yes, the same forecast for the same location. Rainy today. Thunderstorms late. Could be severe and cause tornados. Temeratures falling overnight with rain turning to a snowy mix. It's just plain wrong. Those words should not be used all in the same forecast. Hell, I don't think they should be in the same sentence or breath, even. Bizarre.

What is going on with the weather these days?

Make the World Stop Spinning

Okay. Maybe not the whole world. I'd settle for just my head. Awful dizziness the last two days. I sit still but it feels like the room is spinning around me. Much worse if when I stand up or move to fast in any direction. Had vertigo just over a year ago and afraid it is back. That or 200mg Clomid is too much for me. Not sure which. Tonight is last night of Clomid, so if that's the culprit, hopefully will be better soon. Til then, keep your hands and feet inside the ride until it comes to a complete stop.

Johnny Rockets

I took the day off work today. Requested it a couple weeks ago. The real reason why... Monday Night Football. Yep. I'm a football fan. I wanted to be able to stay up and watch my COLTS beat the Pats. Which they did. Very well. And when the game was over sometime after midnight, I turned out the light and went to bed happy. Happy they won. Happy I didn't have to turn around and get up at 5:30 to be at work and take care of babies all day. Was very smart move on my part. Yay me! Must remember that for future Monday night games. And SuperBowl.

Had the day free, but found plenty to fill the time with. Met my mil at our church this morning. She's in charge of the decorating committee and needed some help with a few things. Rode with her to the food bank to pick up some stuff for our soup kitchen. Then went downtown and met the hubby for lunch.

Nothing fancy for lunch, though. We met at the mall and went to Johnny Rockets for burgers and fries. Better places to eat downtown? Sure. But. Hubby and I met online. Our first meeting/date was at the mall. (I was being cautious... meet in a public place and all that jazz) I had a concert there and he came to the concert and then we hung-out afterwards. I figured we'd walk around the mall a bit, maybe have a drink, and then go on our separate ways.

After a while though, my feet were tired from all the walking, and it was getting to be dinner time, so we ate at Johnny's. And were still having such a good time and were sooo not wanting it to end, we also took in a movie. So, our first date lasted 7+ hours. And we've been together ever since.

We don't go to the mall downtown very often. It's way overpriced and I can get to all the same stores much closer to our house. But, we do like to meet there when we can for a meal at Johnny's. It's secial to us. (Though I would not be upset if they built a location on the northside of town. Would be much more convenient and would probably eat there much more often.)

Bad, Clomid. Bad.

I know Clomid makes me emotional. Whether a lose dose or high dose, I can suddenly start crying overthe littlest things. I expect it when I start taking it. However, I just took my first dose last night, so I was quite expecting it so soon.

Watching TV. Eating some dinner. And I start getting teary-eyed over a frickin' Leap Frog commercial. You know the one... little girl learning to read, reads to Daddy over the phone and he stops dead in his tracks in a moment of awe and pride. I've seen it a zillion times, and tonight, it makes me cry. What an emotional, drugged-up dork am I!

Bad, Clomid. Bad.

My Fingers are Crossed

Why, oh WHY does the hubby always insist on cleaning and sorting in his "I'm annoyed with all the crap" sort of way on the day my period starts. The day I am most edgey and most easily annoyed with his annoyance. I know... I know... I should be grateful I have a hubby who cleans and sorts. And I am. I really am. He is wonderful about that sort of thing and I love him to pieces and I know how incredibly lucky I am.

But, when he's in his annoyed and pissy mode of cleaning... I don't like it so much. And I like it even less when I'm pms'ing. And he always seems to do that when I'm pms'ing. Frustrating. Maybe it's his relief for sexual tension since he ain't getting any around that time of month. (kidding, Honey!)

And yes, if you didn't figure it out yet, my period arrived today. Good ol' "Aunt Flo" arrived totally unannounced and unexpected... the b*tch. On to another round of Clomid. 200mg this cycle. Cross your fingers for me. Mine are already permanently stuck that way.

Sleepless in Sienna**

Dog woke around 1:30 and made the hubby take her out. Since I most always wake when they do, decided to get out of bed and go pee. Crawled back into bed. And didn't sleep more than 30 minutes the rest of the night.

Kept stressing about my arm. With a lifting restriction, I was certain my boss would pull me out of my room (since I lift babies all day long). And I really, really, REALLY don't handle the older classrooms well. I've been with the company for 8+ years. I've worked in every single age-group. There's a reason I'm an infant teacher. Well, besides the fact that I love babies and I'm damn good at my job. The older kids stress me out way too much. And the thought of spending the next several days away from my babies and with a bunch of 3 and 4 year olds really screwed with my sleep.

Thankfully, I talked my boss into letting me stay put. I think being on the verge of tears and saying I would rather lose pay and not work the next couple of days, rather than be in a different classroom, kinda helped make my point. So she agreed, on condition I not make my co-teacher do everything (no way!) and that I am not allowed to complain about my arm at all. I could live with that, so in my classroom I stayed. I still have one good arm, and am quite capable of lifting the babies with that one. My sore arm was only needed for a little support now and then. I kept it wrapped all day, took some Tylenol when needed, and was fine. It hurts a bit tonight, but I've not done anything since I got home to give it as much rest as I can.

And speaking of rest... I need some after the sleepless night. Sleep should come easy tonight.

**Not exactly the color of our sheets... but closer than anything else I could come up with that made the title half-way catchy.

I think I should be a Doctor

I sprained my left arm. I'm right handed, so I suppose it could be worse, but I use my left hand just as much. Did it at work yesterday afternoon. Went to lay a baby on the changing table, and felt a pain shoot through my forearm. Mind you, I make this exact same move about a million times a day. And have been doing so 5 days a week for the last umpteen years. So WHY did this particular time, cause a sprain?

No idea. But I had to go to the med check and have it looked at. Since it happened at work, it is covered, but only if it is checked out within 24 hours of the incident. And my luck, if I hadn't gone today, in a month it would still be hurting and then I'd be screwed. So I went and had it examined... if you can really call it that. The doctor came in, asked me what happened, squeezed my arm in a couple of places to see if it hurt, and pronounced it a sprain. That's it? I could have done that. Actually, I DID do that this morning, long before I ever got there. Maybe I should be practicing medicine... if that's all it takes.

Told me to get an ACE bandage and wrap it. They didn't even provide one!!! And then told me that CVS is a cheap place to get one. I'm sorry. But CVS is unbelievably overpriced. And Target is practically next door. Plus, I already had one at home. Said no lifting for a week. Gave me a prescription for a muscle relaxer and Motrin. Right. Like I'm gonna take those while TTC. Sure. You DID hear me say that my last period was October 1, I'm not using birth control because I'm trying to conceive and I don't know if I'm pregnant.... didn't you? Ummm.... maybe not. Besides, I've only ever taken a muscle relaxer after my surgery... and that pain was MUCH worse than this. Generally, it only hurts if I move it wrong, or lift something too heavy. Tylenol will take care of that.

The place sucks. I went there for my UTI a while back, because it was a weekend and easier than the ER. Not impressed then. Today, I went because that's where work sends us. Not impressed now. Never again, will I go there by choice.

Snail Mail

I got home from work today, grabbed the mail as I usually do, and in it, found a card addressed to me. And, like most people, I LOVE getting mail that is not a bill. It's not my birthday, too early for Christmas. This was just a "Hey, I'm thinking of you. Keep your spirits up." kind of card. And it made. my. day.

Even better. This card was from a woman I've never met face to face. I've "known" her for several years (2001), thanks to the internet. We met on a Babycenter.com bulletin board. Both of us joined a group of women who had recently suffered a miscarriage and were trying again, to get pg. TFBOJ--- Trying for Bundles of Joy. These ladies have been my rock through many ups and downs the past four years. I don't know where I'd be without them. Hell, I love them so much, each one of them got an invitation to my wedding... and one was even able to make the trip!

Given that we're an internet group and women are all over the country, I'll obviously never meet them all face-to-face. I would love to... but it isn't probable. But, in our own little sections of the country, lots of women in our group have managed to get together with some of the others. Quite amazing, when you stop and think about it.

But, I'm getting sidetracked. I was telling you about the "put-a-smile-on-my-face" card that one of the ladies sent out of the blue. And after I read it, and smiled, I realized that in today's computer-crazed society, I bet we would all like the smile you get from a card like that. It's different than a "thinking of you" email. A real card says someone took time out of their day to shop for it, write a note in it (by HAND!), address the envelope, buy a stamp, and put it in the mailbox. When was the last time you took time like that to tell a friend you care? I know, for me, it has been a while. But thanks to Shauna*, I've been reminded of how important it is and promise to do better. Snail mail. Ya gotta love it!

* Something I've not shared with Shauna before, but should. It is because of her, in a round-a-bout sort of way, that I am here in blogland. She posted to the group about a friend of hers and the blog he kept for his daughter, Trixie. I read it, and from there read other blogs. And kept linking to more and more and decided that I wanted to blog. Been doing it ever since. THANKS, Shauna! For Everything...